I wrote a big post about how much I had gotten from the first chapter and then blogger shut down on me and deleted it!
Well, I'm not going to write the whole thing again. In fact, I can't! It was a from the heart thing at the moment, you know? But here is the jist...
The first chapter is "Take Me to Your Leader". It is about how Jesus is the Shepherd and we are the sheep. I read verse after verse about how He leads and how His sheep know His voice and follow.
There is one particular verse which really stood out to me:
"I will lead the blind
by a road they do not know,
by paths they have not known
I will guide them.
I will turn the darkness before them into light,
the rough places into level ground.
These are the things I will do,
and I will not forsake them."
It is the "road they do not know" and the "paths they have not known", not to mention the "darkness" and "rough places", that I fear! It is hard for me to not hold onto those parts of this verse and stay in fear! I must force myself to read the other parts - "I will lead", "I will guide", "turn..into light...into level ground". And the best part "I will not forsake them".
The study says "it can be hard to submit to the leadership of others - especially if we do not trust them or we do not like the direction they are headed". HELLO! That is me! I don't like where God has led me in the last 2 years. I am angry with him and disappointed in my life!
It is hard for me to trust Him, when I fear where I am headed. I am weak. I am so weak, I am afraid to trust. I know this is called faith. I've been there before. I know that He will give me the peace that I need (and so desperately want) if I just give Him my trust. And yet, I don't. I am praying for help to get past this. I know He wants my heart. And I DO want to give it to Him. I feel choked by fear!
I'm not giving up, but pushing forward! I know I can get past this with His help!
(Sorry for the "--" at the bottom!! Blogger is still acting up! I can't post pictures either!!)