Tuesday, January 29, 2008

I know what she looks like!

Well, I have finally seen a picture of my husband's wife! Want to know what I think?

Well, first of all. I know. He isn't my husband anymore. I just don't like that whole "ex-husband" thing! I don't want an "ex-husband"! I don't necessarily want to be married to him either, but I just hate that!! I don't call him my husband because I haven't let go. I have. I just don't want an "ex-husband". I think it is best to just call him Martin. So, let's rephrase that...

I went to lunch with a sweet friend (and enjoyed it so much!!). She hesitantly asked me if I'd seen a picture of Martin's new wife. Then told me where I could see it. She predicted that I'd be running straight home into my house and looking it up. She was wrong. I took a walk with my daughter and my dog first. (Then I ran straight into the house and looked it up!)

My friend told me she was surprised at the picture, that she wasn't what she'd expected. Funny, but I'm surprised too. I don't know why. I mean, she's a cute girl (when I say girl, I mean girl...she's just 23 years old). I don't really know what I was even expecting.

Somehow I feel better. Maybe it is just one more step in the whole process. Knowing what she looks like. I don't know. I have no hard feelings towards her at all. She didn't do this. It isn't her fault. She didn't "steal" my husband. This was his choice.

What I do feel for her is pity. I feel sorry for her. She is the exact age that I was when I started dating Martin. She must be feeling just like I did - that their whole life is ahead of them. That she has just married the greatest guy in the world. That life was going to be wonderful with him. I was so naive. He was good at convincing. I believed him. I believed in him. I saw his potential. I just never saw him live out his potential. He tried a few times, some of them were really good tries too. It just never happened.

She must see that potential in him now. She must see his charisma and believe in him. He must be good at convincing her that he can't see his children because I won't let him. Surely she doesn't know the truth of why he can't see his children alone.

Some people have said that she must be stupid to have fallen for him. Whenever someone says that, it hurts my feelings. Remember that I fell for him too!! Does that make me stupid? I don't believe that she is stupid. I believe that she is naive. I was naive. He is convincing. It is a good pair. Even if it is disastrous.

So, here is the lovely couple. My husband of 11 years. The father of my three beautiful children. With his new wife...his new life.

How does it make you feel?

Monday, January 28, 2008

The Well

Friday night I got to attend a Single Mom's Dinner at a church here in town. It is called The Well. They provide fun programs and pizza for our children and feed us moms a nice dinner. Then a speaker talks to us about issues that single mom's face.

First of all, this is a very difficult event for me to attend. I am full of good excuses not to go. Earlier last year I was angry. I didn't want to be a single mom. Hearing about single mom things made me mad. It broke the floodgates that I was working so hard to keep intact! My children still refer to this church as the place where mommy left crying! I didn't go back for a few months because of this.

Then, as I came to accept my place and my needs as a single mom, I struggled with going alone. Okay, I'm still struggling with that. After 11 years of marriage, you don't realize how dependant you get on your spouse to just "go with you". I hate going everywhere alone. Especially if I don't know anybody!!! So for a few more months, I didn't go because of this.

Then God brought along another single mom friend to go with me! (He said, "No More Excuses!") So we went. The speaker, Kim, just speaks right to my heart. Each month I leave encouraged and challenged. Not overwhelmed though. I take something that I can apply. Something doable. And I just feel better as a single mom. We are doing okay. We are going to be alright. I can be a godly mommy for my kids - no matter what else is going on.

Two months ago, my challenge was to get back into God's Word with my children. I had slowly gotten away from this. Our evenings were so rushed. My goal was always to get them into bed! At this event, I was reminded of the importance of ending our day together - in His Word and in prayer. I immediately applied this and began reading to them each night and praying together before bed. I first apologized to them, for not being the mom God wanted and they needed. They jumped right onto it (if nothing else, to stay up a little more each night!!). It quickly became such a blessing for each of us - a time of focus, learning, togetherness and sweetness. If I forgot, they were quick to remind me!

Now with the rush of Christmas and all the new "stuff" to play with...we've gotten lazy about it again. Maybe 2 days a week we do it. Princess still asks and I've actually said, it's too late, gotta get in the bed. I'm recommitting to do it! Starting today!!

Next time, I'll tell you about this month's talk. It is a juicy one. Well, maybe I'd better call it a not-juicy topic.... stay tuned.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

No answers...

Now I don't know what is going on with Game Master! He went back to the doctor this morning. His blood work shows that he does NOT have shingles! He definitely has something neurological going on. His nerve root endings are VERY sensitive. He called me from school at 12:45 this afternoon and I had to go pick him up. At this point, we can't get in to see a pediatric neurologist until February 21!! They are trying to get him in earlier, but I'm not sure they will be able to...

Please pray for him for relief of his pain. Please pray for wisdom for me and the doctors to know what is going on. Please understand that I don't want to doubt my son, I really do believe he is in pain. However, sometimes I wonder if it is psychological. Please pray for me for God's guidance in knowing the truth.

I am so thankful for God's provision for us right now - that I can be home and be here for him during this time. I'm struggling enough with having time to work from home. There is no way I could be working outside of the home with this going on! I'd be a mess for sure!! God prepared the way...

Friday, January 18, 2008

Answers and change of plans...

Well, I thought I'd have more answers about Game Master's bizarre symptoms by this point. Still no rash. And the pain has spread into his left arm now. They couldn't get him an appointment with a neurologist until late February!!

He was examined by two pediatricians today and they feel very strongly that he has shingles. They sent us to Children's Hospital to have some labwork done. We won't have the results for about a week, but then we'll know for sure. I am pretty convinced that this is what he has though.

The good news? No school for the next four days anyway! We won't be traveling this weekend as we had planned (since we were visiting family where someone has lupus!!), but we'll still have a nice little "home vacation". Game Master can rest. I can get some things organized for Mama Duck's Nest. We are starting with a movie night - and going to watch this. And I've promised to make this tomorrow!

Have a good weekend!

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

God knew it was coming!

Isn't it funny sometimes how God will align things in your life for a reason? I'd be a mess right now if I was still working at my old job! Instead, I have peace! God is good.

Here is the deal! GameMaster has shingles! The poor guy has been in pain since Sunday. He still doesn't have a rash, but we are waiting on that at any moment. The rash will verify the diagnosis. If he doesn't have a rash by tomorrow, then we will go to a neurologist.

He came home early from school on Monday and isn't allowed to go back to school all week. If it is shingles, then he won't be going back for up to a few weeks!

So, now you know why I'd really be stressing. But, no! God knew! So, I'm home working anyway. GM is on the couch watching movies all day and resting (loopy on pain meds). I get to work and be a mom at the same time! How great is that!??

So, please be praying for my poor guy! I hope to know more tomorrow. The pediatrician will either see a rash or refer him to a neurologist. Either way! God is in control!

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

It's Hannah Montana!

My sweet daughter has been obsessed with hair for the last month! If I hear, "Mommy, do I have blond hair?" one more time I will scream! I've taken to answering it..."a little bit" - explained by the sun-bleached strands in the front (well, what's left of the hair in the front that she didn't chop off during her little misadventures last month...but that's another story for another time).

For one weekend just before Christmas, everyone that we encountered heard, "I want hair like Hannah Montana". It really was obsessive (ask anyone at Bri's birthday party)!!
That exact weekend, my parents spent most of their time shopping. At the end of the weekend, mom just happened to call to say..."we got Princess a Hannah Montana wig for Christmas, do you think she'll like it??"

Sunday, January 06, 2008

Mama Duck's Nest is open!

I'm so excited to announce my newest job! Go check out:

I've sold several things in the last few days since opening. I am enjoying it thoroughly. So far, it is ALL scrapbooking stuff. There will be other stuff soon...

Be sure to mark me as a favorite and visit me often!

Thursday, January 03, 2008

We wish you a very happy 2008!

I am praying for an AMAZING year for me and my little ducklings!
I know this last year has been our most difficult and I am able to see how far we've come. My main focus has been on my children and their healing and well-being. This year I'm going to add the focus of my healing and well-being.
I know that God has big things in store for us this year and I can't wait to see what happens!
Our theme for this year:
All at the same time!!