Tuesday, January 29, 2008

I know what she looks like!

Well, I have finally seen a picture of my husband's wife! Want to know what I think?

Well, first of all. I know. He isn't my husband anymore. I just don't like that whole "ex-husband" thing! I don't want an "ex-husband"! I don't necessarily want to be married to him either, but I just hate that!! I don't call him my husband because I haven't let go. I have. I just don't want an "ex-husband". I think it is best to just call him Martin. So, let's rephrase that...

I went to lunch with a sweet friend (and enjoyed it so much!!). She hesitantly asked me if I'd seen a picture of Martin's new wife. Then told me where I could see it. She predicted that I'd be running straight home into my house and looking it up. She was wrong. I took a walk with my daughter and my dog first. (Then I ran straight into the house and looked it up!)

My friend told me she was surprised at the picture, that she wasn't what she'd expected. Funny, but I'm surprised too. I don't know why. I mean, she's a cute girl (when I say girl, I mean girl...she's just 23 years old). I don't really know what I was even expecting.

Somehow I feel better. Maybe it is just one more step in the whole process. Knowing what she looks like. I don't know. I have no hard feelings towards her at all. She didn't do this. It isn't her fault. She didn't "steal" my husband. This was his choice.

What I do feel for her is pity. I feel sorry for her. She is the exact age that I was when I started dating Martin. She must be feeling just like I did - that their whole life is ahead of them. That she has just married the greatest guy in the world. That life was going to be wonderful with him. I was so naive. He was good at convincing. I believed him. I believed in him. I saw his potential. I just never saw him live out his potential. He tried a few times, some of them were really good tries too. It just never happened.

She must see that potential in him now. She must see his charisma and believe in him. He must be good at convincing her that he can't see his children because I won't let him. Surely she doesn't know the truth of why he can't see his children alone.

Some people have said that she must be stupid to have fallen for him. Whenever someone says that, it hurts my feelings. Remember that I fell for him too!! Does that make me stupid? I don't believe that she is stupid. I believe that she is naive. I was naive. He is convincing. It is a good pair. Even if it is disastrous.

So, here is the lovely couple. My husband of 11 years. The father of my three beautiful children. With his new wife...his new life.

How does it make you feel?


Jennifer said...

I'm having a hard time seeing the picture, because it is so small. Could you email me a bigger one?

It is very weird to see. I wish there was someway she could know the truth sooner than you do, or maybe Martin will finally shape up....

Pam said...

"How does it make 'me' feel?"

Sick in my heart. Sad for you, my precious friend. Relieved that this is not your life anymore. Sad for the hurt that still invades your thoughts, feelings, and actions.

Thankful that God is your husband. He is the husband and Father to those without, and I am so glad He has continued to hold you in His capable hands.

So, while seeing Martin is terribly hard and brings up icky feelings, I know our God is sovereign, and I know He is not surprised or shocked at the place you are right now. I am so glad He will never leave you or forsake you.

I'd love to chat further if you'd like to talk sometime. I've got lots of free time during the day . . .

Leeann M. Samples said...

I'll tell you how it makes me feel...

It makes me very proud of you!!! Proud that you are so very AWESOME! You have persevered through some really tough times and remained strong in your faith and been a totally awesome mom!

This was one more (hopefully close to a final one) step in closure!

It also makes me proud that you are my friend!

Love you!
Big hugs!
LA :)