Friday, February 01, 2008

I have to meet her.

Well, I knew the day would come eventually.

It looks like tomorrow is the day.

For months, ever since the kids found out that their dad was getting married, they've wanted nothing to do with her. They wouldn't even talk about it! They just weren't ready.

Martin began pushing for them to meet her. I told him that I was not going to make them. I know he felt like it was me who didn't want to meet her. Certainly there is truth to that. Who wants to meet their husband's new wife!? But this wasn't about me. It was about my ducklings.

In November, I recall telling him that the children would certainly be ready to meet her long before I would. I told him that when they were ready, I would not hold them back from that.

Well, they've let me know they are interested in meeting her. And thus... Now it is about me!

Martin and his bride will be attending part of the kid's basketball games tomorrow. We will all get to meet her.

This could be a big turning point in our relationships. For the last year, the only times Martin has seen the kids has been in my presence (court order, as well as the children's request). They are becoming more comfortable around him again. If they are comfortable around his wife, then they may feel ready to visit them at their home.

Okay. Stop right there. There are two things to say about this. One: is my selfish side. I have had very little "time off" as a mom in the last year. There is a part of me that likes the idea of the kids going to spend a weekend with their dad every once in awhile, you know? But it is a dreamy wish...I must admit. Because...

Two: I've worked so hard in the last year to help my children heal and grow into strong human beings again. I'm scared. He has not been a very good father. I don't know how much I want them to be around someone like him. I think it'd be a hard recovery time every time they went to see him.

And yet, he is their dad. What do you do?

Oh yeah, pray.

I realize I'm jumping way ahead in the process. For now, we are just meeting in a public place for a brief time. It is just another step in our journey...


Shawnda said...

thanks for being honest about your journey! I just can't imagine!!! praying for you! Keep praying and falling into His arms of grace!!!!

meLanie said...

ah man, this whole situation just really stinks. he will always be their father, yet allow the Holy Spirit to guide you to know where to place the boundries for their sake!

a step at a time, huh? praying for you.

Pam said...

Prayed for you, dear friend. Let us know how it went. I am proud of you and hope you know God is in control of even this step in your journey.

Love you!