All kinds of updates

There has been so much going on here, I haven't had time to blog. Of course, missing almost 2 months of work and housework has given me plenty to do around here! Not that I shouldn't be doing that now... in fact, let me go change out the laundry...I'll be right back...

Okay. So I haven't recovered from my surgery as fast as I'd hoped. But then I found out that my feeling so weak probably has nothing to do with the surgery! I've been having dizzy spells, feeling like I'm going to pass out every time I turn around or stand up! I just black out! AnnieBeth recommended that I take my blood pressure. (I haven't had to do that in several months, since I quit taking bp medicine and it was fine.) That first time I took it, it was 84/40! Whoa! It hasn't been above 104/72 for the last week. It has been consistently low. I talked to my bariatric doctor's office. They had just drawn a bunch of bloodwork in February. It was all great - no dehydration, blood loss or vitamin deficiencies. They were thrilled with those results, but concerned and stumped by my low blood pressure. They referred me to my PCP.

I saw her yesterday. She just smiled really big and asked if I was still taking thyroid medicine. I said I was - I had been told that my weight loss probably wouldn't affect my need for thyroid medicine. She thinks that it has anyway!! She said I am probably overcorrecting now and won't have to take the med anymore. It is probably what is causing the low blood pressure. I should get those test results back today. I hope that is what it is!! That'd be great!

My Grandmommy's health has been up and down for the past month. But as of this weekend, I heard that she'd improved enough to be eating some solid food again!

My kids are struggling. They are desperately in need of a break! Fortunately, there are just 3 more days of school before Spring Break! No, we aren't going anywhere (I wish we were - the beach sounds so good..). I am hoping for some pretty weather here to go to the park and picnics and bike rides and walks! Some real spring weather would be so great!

I am praying for God's direction for the kid's school next year. I will be applying later today for a scholarship again. If God miraculous provides for next year again, then they will all 3 attend the Christian school again. If not, I'll know it is His will for me to homeschool. I don't see how that would be possible, which is why I think he will provide for the Christian school. We'll see...

My good friend, Kendra, had back surgery last week. I'm covering for her, leading our small group, Daughters of the King (for single women). I love these ladies so much. I'm so glad to be able to do it! I am so burdened by their struggles right now. I feel for each one of them. I think this is good timing. It helps me keep my own "stuff" in perspective!

So, everyone have a great week! Hope you are getting a break soon too! I intend to enjoy it!!

Feeling used...it's a good thing!

God has been working in my heart this week. There are so many ladies around me who are struggling. My heart is broken for them. I want to be there for them and be strong. Their circumstances put mine into great perspective. I needed that.

Just before He made me aware of all of their needs, He showed me my own need to LET GO! I have been holding on too tightly to Game Master. I feel this huge burden to fix him - to help him. God let me know that I am not capable of that. It is not my responsibility to try so hard...to obsess about GM and his problems. I want him to be happy. I want him to be happy RIGHT NOW. God has let me know that it isn't going to happen today, it is going to take time - and HIM. I'm stepping in and messing things up. So, I've committed to stepping aside and allowing Him to do it His way (He really does know better than me).

Meanwhile, God has shown me CandyMan's need to be discipled and ministered to. We spent a great time together last night and he is so open to hearing and growing. He felt so much better this morning and even had a quiet time instead of playing during his extra few minutes before leaving for school!

Every day this week a friend (different ones) has called in need of advise or prayer. I think God needed me to let go of Game Master to make room for others who needed me. I'm thankful to be needed. I'm thankful to be used by Him. It is so much more rewarding and fulfilling to be used by God than it is to try to do it all yourself! If He needs me to work in GM's life, then I will!

A Tribute To Grandmommy

My sweet Grandmommy is leaving us. She's been an incredible example to all of the women in my family for years. She's taken care of us all - raising five kids and nurturing 12 grandchildren & 11 great-grandchildren (so far). She has always thought of others first.

For the past 5 or so years she has been suffering greatly with Lewy Body Dementia. It has ravaged her muscles and taken over her body. It is a cousin to Parkinson's Disease. It has been so sad to watch her slowly deteriorate. She has survived way longer than anyone expected her to.

The chair-ridden Grandmommy that my children know is not the Grandmommy that I know! My Grandmommy was very active - walking laps at the lake with me, riding her bicycle all over, and cooking huge meals for her large family. I loved sitting on her front porch snapping beans with her. I looked forward to going to church with her and hearing her play the piano! I enjoyed many summer days with her at the lake!

I am sad that she is leaving us, but it seems like she's been gone for so long already. I am glad that she will get a new body soon and feel well! I am glad that she will be with the love of her life - my Granddaddy. I pray for my mom and her family as they deal with this loss. I pray they will make sure that they will be in heaven with Grandmommy when their day comes...

I love you, Grandmommy.

I've met my goal - at just six months!

I'm so excited to tell you that I have met my personal weight loss goal - in just 6 months! I went to the doctor today for my 6 month check-up. They are very pleased with me - my BMI is in the healthy range! They are increasing my diet. They don't want me to lose more than 10-20 more pounds! Isn't that amazing!? It has far exceeded my expectations, for sure! The lab tech said that she hasn't heard of anyone meeting their goal at 6 months since she's worked there. It made me feel so good. May God have all the glory!!

Here are a few before pictures next to my 6 month shots:

Snow and Surgery

For the first time in CandyMan and Missy Prissy's life, it has snowed in East Tennessee - enough for them to go sledding! I'm so excited for them. Unfortunately, I had to drive on slick roads yesterday to pick them up from school yesterday (for the first time). Thankfully, despite other cars sliding off the road everywhere, we made it home safely. Of course, this was my first day driving the kids (I've been banned from driving for 2 weeks due to surgery). It was a little nerve racking. I am glad they are out of school today - I needed the extra rest!

So, about the surgery...many of you have been asking on Facebook. Sorry that I haven't answered. I just can't sit at the computer for very long yet. I had a hysterectomy with several repairs. It has wiped me out good. Even 2 1/2 weeks later, I'm still in pain and so very tired. Other women warned me that it'd be this way, but you know me - I'm super woman. Wrong! I am fine though. I had to have the surgery not so much because of any "female problems" that I was having, but because everything was falling out. Nothing was in the place it was suppose to be. Maybe it was from birthing 2 big boys and damage caused during their births. Maybe from age (I refuse to say "old" age). Maybe from my weight loss (was that extra fat holding everything up?). Who knows, but it had to be fixed.

Here are a few beautiful pictures taken yesterday in Tennessee!

2009 FOCUS

Each year I pray for God to show me a focus for the year - something that I need to learn about, work on, and grow in. A theme, so to speak.



2007 was my first year seperated from my husband of 11 years. That year was full of changes for me and my little ducklings. It was a very difficult year. My yearly focus was "SURVIVE". We did that, even if barely.



In 2008, I knew it was time to move on from just surviving and begin living life again. It seemed life was running me before that and it was time for me to live life with purpose again. My word for the year was "LIVE". It was a good year. God did grow me in this so much and I feel like it was a successful year.



I began praying in December for God to show me my "word" or focus for 2009. One word kept popping into my head and I kept throwing it back. I'm not sure what it is about it that I am rejecting. No, that isn't true - I'm not sure what it is He wants me to do with it! I'm fearful of what He may be preparing me for. The word is "LOVE". I'm hoping to learn about God's Love for me. I want to grow in my love for others. But there is a little part of me that fears that He is preparing me for a significant love in my life - like another husband. I'm afraid of myself. I'm afraid of another relationship. I'm just afraid! My friend Kendra has pointed out to me that I can't underestimate God to provide a great godly man that would be good for me and my children. This is true... I'm just not sure that I want a man in my life.



However, I have been able to see how it may be God's plan for our lives. (I say "our" lives, because I am a package deal now. A husband for me is a daddy for my ducklings. He'd have to be for all of us, not just for me.) And so, I've given it up to God (and keep giving it). I want what He wants. He knows that He has some changing to do in my heart to get me there.

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This is my verse for this year: "No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us." 1John 4:12 It is my desire for others to see God in me - for them to experience His love through me.
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When reading this verse and a little past it, God shows me something else to grow in.... 1John 4:18 says, "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." Well, okay. I guess He does need to work on me in this area...





So, this year is about "LOVE". I don't exactly know what all that looks like yet. But this I will begin with:






So, what is your focus for this year?

Going away...

Yes, I am going away for a few days. I leave today and will be home Friday. It is so strange for me to leave my kiddies. I never leave them! Plus they have school and stuff. It will be okay though. My friend Megan is staying here with them and transporting them, feeding them and loving them while I am gone. I will miss them so much. What am I saying? I miss them already!

I am going to Atlanta for a conference with my job. I'm going with my dad. It will be good to spend some time with him - and to get some training on this new computer program they've just started.

Please pray for my ducklings to be on their best behavior for Miss Megan and for everything to go smoothly here!

Wonderful Couple of Weeks!

We have had an incredibly wonderful Christmas break! We've spent some busy, fun time with family in Kentucky and in Tennessee. We've had an extremely fun and relaxing week at home. We've been healthy the whole time (must be a first!). We've all been easy-going, well rested, well fed, and happy! What more can you ask for!?

Tomorrow, we are back to the real world! Back to the crazy schedule - the 5:30 a.m. mornings (will my body do that after this week!?!?) - the go, go, go, gotta hurry... I've loved spending this time with my children and I truly don't want it to end. I know that it has to. I have worked very little during the past 2 weeks (and that isn't good for paying the bills, you know?). It has been a wonderful vacation though.

How much longer until Spring Break? Or even better, summer break!?

The Fumbly Bumbly Angels!

Our second Christmas performance for the year was as good as the first! I was so impressed by our church's children's Christmas Musical, "The Fumbly, Bumbly Angels"! They did a terrific job!

CandyMan played a lead part - George, the angel. Missy Prissy played one of the three kings. They both did wonderful! I was so proud of them!

My Guitar Hero is playing the trombone!

I have to say that no one has ever thought that Guitar Hero had any musical talent. He really hasn't had much rythym in the past. He can't carry a tune very well (neither can his mom). He does come from a musical family though - my whole family played musical instruments and had a love for music! He has shown no interest in learning to read music, play an instrument, or sing in a group before. Then the Wii "Guitar Hero" game came out. He has loved that game! A love for music has been born out of that! He wanted an electric guitar for his birthday in May and spent the summer teaching himself to play it. He's REALLY good at it too! When his mom, grandparents, brother and sister would spend summer afternoons in the pool, he'd be indoors practicing his grandfather's acoustic guitar. We enjoyed our mini-concerts when we got out to dry off!
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Seeing this love for music develop and when an opportunity to join a band presented itself and since I loved playing in the band so much, it was natural for me to encourage him to join in! We met with the director who helped him in choosing his instrument - trombone. Grandma and Grandpa have helped with the rental of the trombone (thank you!). And off he went!
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I am talking about a child who generally prefers to stay home and not be involved in anything - church, school or social. I have to make him leave the house. Not for band! He hasn't wanted to quit once. He hasn't gotten frustrated (unless you count the times when I made him stop practicing to go to bed!). He is very serious about it! He has practiced every day in the past week in preparation for the concert - somedays even before school!
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Well, with all of that said...I am one proud Mama Duck! I am thankful that he has something in his life right now that brings him some success and pleasure!

I've lost Candy Man!

Candy Man went to the doctor 2 weeks ago and was weighed. I had just weighed that morning myself. He weighed exactly what I had lost - 75 lbs! He wanted to see it, so I showed him that evening exactly what that looked like! Guitar Hero couldn't help but snap a picture of us!!

Here we are in my pre-weight loss jammies...

Silly, I know. But fun - and so exciting for me!

It's Been Four Months

I've been on this journey for 4 months now. I am amazed at God's grace to free me from the obsession of food. Eating has become so unimportant to me now. Food is a means of survival. Truly. Occasionally I have a desire for something, but I know it won't satisfy. Eating is not fun. I take no enjoyment from it. That may sound sad to some of you, but trust me when I say that it is a blessing for me!! Food and eating was just way too important to me before. Now, it is purely to be healthy. I eat my protein, my fruit and veggies. I take lots of vitamins. And that is it. I eat only what I must eat to survive - to be healthy. I am 80 pounds less than I was - and still losing! I had a wonderful Thanksgiving! The time spent with my family was terrific. I didn't eat stuffing, or potatoes, or pie. I don't care either! I don't feel deprived. I feel blessed!! I am free!

Wordless Wednesday

Another year older...

My sweet CandyMan celebrated his 8th birthday yesterday! The memories of "eight years ago today" were so great this weekend. He was born on Thanksgiving morning and I am so truly thankful for him!

My Life Verse

I'm reading a book right now called "Six Secrets to a Powerful Quiet Time" in preparation for co-leading my single women's group. It is a 30 day journey to discover radical intimacy with God. She says to have a life verse. I think this may be mine - my verse and my prayer:

"I waited patiently for the Lord:

he turned to me and heard my cry.

He lifted me out of the slimy pit,

out of the mud and mire;

he set my feet on a rock

and gave me a firm place to stand.

He put a new song in my mouth,

a hymn of praise to our God.

Many will see and fear

and put their trust in the LORD."

-- Psalm 40:1-3

Top of the Mountain!

I achieved something this weekend that I thought I'd NEVER be able to achieve! It was a huge accomplishment for me! I am thrilled (even if I am paying the consequences for it).

It all started in small group ("Daughters of the King" - for single women). One of the ladies in the group announced that there was a hike coming up on Saturday. I (accidently out loud) said, "I'd love to be able to do that!" Well, immediately my good friend Kendra said, "I'd be glad to keep your kids for you so that you can go."

Oh. Well. What excuse could I come up with not to do it now? I asked lots of questions to the man who was planning the hike. Yes, it was a hard trail. Yes, it was all up hill. Sure, he thought I could do it.

I knew it'd be a challenge, but I have been walking 2-3 miles 3-4 days a week for the last month. The hike was 2 miles up the mountain and 2 miles back down. How hard could it be??

So, with the children all settled, I met at the church a group of people (most in their young 20's, I might add). I volunteered to drive, since I had a van and could carry more people. So, off we went! It was a beautiful trip up past Gatlinburg. We drove through Townsend (the peaceful side of the Smokies). It was gorgeous! Breath-taking.

We arrived at the trailhead excited! A few of us were a little nervous, but mostly pumped about the day and the beautiful weather. As we headed off, we saw a few people completing the hike - huffing and puffing. (I'm thinking, they just did the easy part of the hike - coming DOWN the mountain!???) A young guy on the trip commented, "Uh-oh. She's out of breath. I'm in trouble." I stay brave...

It was hard. As in the sign said "strenuous". It wasn't kidding. The first mile was all uphill. Pretty steep at some points. The second mile was almost all STEPS. And I don't mean paved steps (somehow that sounds easier to me, I don't know why!). It was jagged rock steps. My legs would just go numb/weak at some points and I couldn't take another step up. I wasn't alone with this struggle (thankfully). We had to stop and take recovery breaks. But I was determine to get to the top! And so I pushed on.

Finally, we made it to the top of the mountain and what was before us? A huge rock wall! I had seen pictures of this wall online and decided that I wasn't going to climb that part. But once I got there, I let myself feel some pressure to do it. After all, the group's plan was to climb to the top and eat lunch up there! So I started climbing...

Now I have to add right here that I am TERRIFIED of heights. Like, I can't go past the 2nd step on a ladder. Like, my boys had a loft in the room in our last house and I never went up there (couldn't - it was too high). So, this was yet another challenge to overcome my fear of heights. And yet I climbed...

I climbed over halfway up the wall and realized something. I had accomplished my goal to get to the top of the mountain. This wall thing was only a dangerous feat for me to attempt. I wouldn't regret finishing the climb. I'd be proud of myself for making a wise decision to protect myself for my family's sake. And so, I backed down the cliff and waited at the bottom with some other people who were waiting too.

I thought the worst part was over and the going down the mountain would be a breeze. It was easier, I will say that. But it was hard on my sore legs too. They felt like spaghetti that would give out at any moment. But they didn't. And I made it back to the car.

I made new friends that day. I got to know old friends better. I enjoyed the beautiful scenery and weather. I praised my God. And I accomplished a dream.

Enough of that - Look at me!

Okay, enough grumpy already. GuitarHero just took my 3 month picture. The biggest change I see this month is in my face!! Here are the "before" face picture and the "3 month" face picture. I think it says everything!


BEFORE:---------------------------------------------------------


























-----------------------------------------------AFTER:

I admit it - I'm grumpy!

Okay, I admit it. I am grumpy! I realized it this morning when GuitarHero and I were have a word battle this morning (that is a nice way to say "yelling at each other"). I've just been mad the last few days. I can't even really tell you why. It's not like there's been one thing that made me mad. It is silly, really.

Oh! I know what it is! Selfishness. I haven't gotten my way. Things keep happening that change my plans. I don't like that. I don't handle that very well. It is one of the things in the past that would've pushed me to eat. I can't eat anymore. Maybe that makes me mad too.

My dishwasher has been broken for a month. The guy finally came to look at it on Monday and said he'd order the part and be back in a couple of WEEKS to fix it. I'm tired of washing dishes. (Like I don't have anything else to do!)

I was stuck at home 2 days last week with sick children. Now CandyMan has been home every day this week. Yep, he's still home today. After a doctor's visit this morning I found out that really he is all better. His current symptoms are due to introducing milk products too soon during the stomach virus. I thought it was the BRATY (banana, rice, applesauce, toast, yogurt) diet I was suppose to give him. Apparently it is the BRAT diet. Yogurt wasn't a good choice... I'll leave you to your imagination.

I haven't been able to exercise for 2 1/2 weeks. I was so sick coughing and couldn't breath enough to walk and now that I'm better, I have a 7 year old home sick and still can't go. I need the exercise - trust me. It'd do the stress good. It'd make me feel better too. (On a brighter note, I've been lifting weights from home and am getting some arm muscles!)

Monday was the monthly Prayer Walk at the kid's school. I really enjoy this each month as I get to walk through the entire school and pray at each classroom door. It is something I look forward to. Didn't get to do it this month.

I have really wanted to help in GuitarHero's class this week with a project they are doing. His teacher asked my help on Friday and I've postponed it every day. It is due Friday...she found someone else to do it. I was really looking forward to it!

Worst of all, GuitarHero's teacher sent a note home yesterday saying he had 2 assignments that he had known about for 1-2 weeks, but had not begun. He also had not told me about either one! He continues to have late assignments and I don't know how to handle it anymore. I've prayed and asked for God's guidance, but don't have an answer yet. I'm definitely frustrated in this situation. It is so hard being a single parent and not having someone to at least "think out loud" through things.

I have been on my knees 3 times in the last 24 hours. My mood is irritable. I can usually handle these little things at this point in my life. I thought maybe my blood pressure was back up, but it isn't. I need an attitude check!

Now I've been on hold for 30 minutes to get through to our insurance company and just got hung up on!!
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Lately I have been talking about being real with others - telling it like it is - good or bad. So...there it is! My reality today. Nobody is perfect...

What a Treat!

Halloween was so much more fun this year for me! I will never forget last year - getting off work late, trying to dress my kids so quickly and rushing, rushing (and crying the whole time). Things are so much better this year! For starters, we arrived home much earlier with time for dinner and taking our time getting costumes on. Much more fun!


We visited three local churches for the Trunk and Treats. Most of the cars were decorated in biblical themes. That was really neat. They got so much candy, we won't need any more until next year! They ran into some of last year's school friends. They ate lots of junk (hot dogs, chips, hot chocolate and of course, candy). We all laughed and played around. It was just pure fun!


My little Missy Prissy was Dorothy from Wizard of Oz. Well, she was "Dorofy" if you asked her! Her costume was beautiful. She won the costume contest at our church's fall festival on Wednesday night!


CandyMan was a cow! If you knew him as a younger thing, you know that his security item was a stuffed Chick-Fil-A cow. He still collects them and loves them.


GuitarHero was indecisive this year. He's in middle school now. He knows that dressing up is fun, but maybe he's too old? I don't think so, of course! I don't think you are ever too old to dress up!! So at the last minute he chose to wear a "graduation" gown that I had to sell in my eBay store. He played the part of a Judge! I think he is glad he dressed up!


Well, despite having a busy day of plans today, I am home working instead. CandyMan finally got the stomach virus that the other two had last week! He's feeling a little better this morning, but is going to rest today.

Respect

Guitar Hero was given an essay to write about the person he respects the most. Here is his paper:

“My Mom”
By Guitar Hero


If I could pick one person that I respect most it would be my mom. I would pick my mom because she is good at cooking, sewing, and spending.

She is amazing at cooking. She could cook anything as long as you gave her the recipe for it.

She is also good at sewing. She has sewed just about every costume that we have had. That is good because Halloween is coming up soon. It is also good because she can fix a lot of our clothes back together, which is helpful if our uniform breaks.

She is also good at spending. You have to know a lot about prices to be a good spender. Being a good spender means we get a lot more money.

She is also good at other things like caring, loving and being healthy. My mom is great and I hope you think she is too. Maybe if you get to know her you would like her just as much.