Tennessee Mama Duck

God promises to restore what I've lost!

2010-03-30T20:18:00.001-04:00

"Rejoice, you people of Jerusalem! Rejoice in the LORD your God! For the rain he sends demonstrates his faithfulness. Once more the autumn rains will come, as well as the rains of spring." (Joel 2:23)

We usually think of the rain as the difficulties in our life - as something bad that only causes us pain, but here it says the rain demonstrated God's faithfulness! The rain during the storms of life may not feel good, may get us 'wet' and feel yucky. But it is also the rain that gives LIFE. We need the rain to survive. We should be still and soak in the rain when it comes, knowing that His rain brings us life.

"The threshing floors will again be piled high with grain, and the presses will overflow with new wine and olive oil." (Joel 2:24)

After the rain comes the harvest. The more we soak in that rain, the greater our harvest.

"The LORD says, "I will give you back what you lost to the swarming locusts, the hopping locusts, the stripping locusts, and the cutting locusts. It was I who sent this great destroying army against you." (Joel 2:25)

He promises to restore what was lost! What are the locusts? Sin. Rebellion. The enemy's attacks. We allowed them to take away those years - to be unfruitful. But God promises to give us back those years...to restore and redeems us. He says He sent the locusts! He did it to make us aware of our sin and rebellion - so we'd recognize our need for Him! He doesn't want to hurt us - He wants us to come to Him so that He can bless us.

"Once again you will have all the food you want, and you will praise the LORD your God, who does these miracles for you." (Joel 2:26)

We will have everything we need! We will praise God, our Redeemer! Why not praise Him IN the rain!?

Redemption!

2010-01-18T14:54:00.006-05:00

The word for 2009 was LOVE. The word for 2010 is REDEEM!

What does redeem mean? It means "fulfill". I'm very excited about this word!! It gives me great hope to think that 2010 will be a year of redemption for me! So many things have happened in my past that could be redeemed this year.

First of all, I am redeemed by my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! He died on the cross for me and my sins are forgiven because of what He did for me! There is no better redemption than that! And I've already received that redemption!

Anything else is whipped cream and chocolate sauce and cherries on top!! It WILL be a great year!!

"Put your hope in the LORD,

for with the LORD is unfailing love

and with Him is full redemption."

--Psalm 130:7

I am in love!!!

2010-01-11T11:51:00.002-05:00

I know what you are thinking... "this must involve the new man in her life!" I imagine you are excited and so happy for me. And well you should be!!!

Each year, I pray for God to show me a word for me to focus on for the year, a word for Him to define and grow me in for that year. Last year's word was clearly "LOVE". At first, I was very afraid of that word. I thought that it might mean dating and I didn't think that I was ready for that!! Well, God DID have a plan for that...and HE prepared me for it. I am so glad He did. I AM enjoying the company of my "Joseph". He motivates me to draw nearer to my God, to be more like Him!

But that isn't the aspect of LOVE that God was going to focus on for me. The LOVE He had in store for me was my own love - for others, but mostly for HIM!! By the end of 2009, I am able to truly say that "I am SOOOOO in love with Jesus!!" He is so sweet to me. He provides for me. He keeps me safe. He cares for me and shows me how much He loves me! He is faithful and honest. He wants the very best for me. He does special, personal things for me! He grows me - for my good! He has chosen me. And He blesses me.

I AM in love! With the God of the universe!

God is growing me!

2009-12-30T13:55:00.002-05:00

God is growing me in so many ways right now. For starters, I have said for years that I would never get married again and don't want anything to do with men. One year ago, He told me that He may have another plan for me - and for my little ducklings. I was "kicking and screaming" about it then too! But He has changed my attitude about it. AND now, He has sent me an incredibly godly man (we'll call him "Joseph" for now). I am enjoying getting to know him more. It is the sweetest thing to be in a relationship with a man who cares more about pleasing God than anything else.

God is also growing me in my relationship with Him. He has been showing me that I am lacking in my freedom of worship. I have felt this "bondage" before and was set free when I went to a new church and experienced worship at another level. I am seeking after God to show me His will and set me free to worship Him deeper. And yet, as He shows me, I hesitate. It is out of my comfort zone. But isn't that just like God - to stretch us?

Last night "Joseph" came over for dinner and brought a DVD to watch together about this. Afterwards, we had a great discussion about it. When he left, I was able to have a time of prayer, repentance, and seeking after God for truth. As I went to bed, I read a devotion that said this...

"Come on! We have seen that the land is very good. Aren't you going to do something? Don't hesitate to go there and take it over...God has put into your hands, a land that lacks nothing whatever." --Judges 18:9-10

"Come on!" This command indicates that there is something definite for us to do and that nothing is ours unless we take it.

How much of God's Word have you received and endorsed, and of how much have you been able to say, "This has been done in my life"? By how many of His promises have you signed your name and said, "This has been fulfilled to me"?

It goes on to say...

"Do not miss your inheritance through your own neglect."

I feel like God is reminding me that I need to seek after Him on this and that I could miss something so good - by my own neglect. I don't want that! I don't want to miss a blessing He has for me!

Yes, growing can be painful, but it can be so sweeeeeet too!

Christmas Traditions

2009-12-13T18:40:00.002-05:00

My family has had a tradition that we have celebrated on Christmas every year since I was born. We spent Christmas Eve with my mom's family in KY. We had spaghetti (no, we aren't italian) and salad bar for dinner. Opened presents and enjoyed each other until late into the night.

This year, we have lost 3 family members. The first one was my grandmother, then my uncle (my mom's brother) and then another uncle (my mom's brother-in-law). Sadly, noone is in the Christmas spirit. We are not gathering for our traditional Christmas Eve celebration.

Many people have had a difficult year this year, perhaps financially with the recession (I sure have!). But I encourage you to remember the "reason for the season". We enjoy our traditions and celebrations at Christmas, but remember the very first Christmas. That is what it is all about. We can celebrate Jesus' birthday anywhere. Yes, it will be different. It won't be about presents (who can afford any?). It won't be about food (I can't eat any! lol). It won't be about extended family (they are doing their own thing). But, it's okay. It WILL be about my Savior's Birthday. That is what it is supposed to be about!

Have a Happy Jesus' Birthday!

God chuckled

2009-08-31T10:08:00.003-04:00

God has a sense of humor. Last week I wrote a lesson to teach to the ladies in my small group. It was about different ways you can live your life:
* in REACTION to your circumstances and things around you.
* in ROUTINE - the same way you always have.
* a RICH, REWARDING life! God has told us in His Word that He wants us to live an abundant life. What a gift from Him.

Sunday morning I arise to prepare to go to church and teach this lesson. And CandyMan is sick. I could almost hear God chuckling!

How could I teach that lesson if I was living in REACTION (which is actually often my ROUTINE when my kids get sick)?? I can imagine God thinking, "how is she going to handle this one?"

Not only did I need to be at church, I needed to be at my first day of classes on Monday morning (my debut return to college after almost 20 years). If you know me (and if you are reading this, you probably do), then you know that it is a horrible thought to me to have to miss the first day!!

But God had prepared me for this, since I had been studying His Word just that week preparing to teach others. He is good. And He had a plan.

I went to my small group and taught the lesson. I am right now sitting in the library at my college after attending my first class and awaiting the next one. CandyMan went to the doctor this morning and he doesn't have what we feared. (Swine Flu has been confirmed in a couple of children in their school. My duckling does NOT have it. I'm praying they don't get it.)

All is good. He is in control! I am trusting in Him.

I'm a School Girl!

2009-08-28T18:29:00.004-04:00

Can you believe it? I sure can't! I'm a school girl! I'm going back to college!

Classes begin on Monday for me. I'm excited and anxious all at the same time! I'm going full time. And the government is paying for all of it (through grants). It's an offer I can't refuse! I have one year of classes to take before I'll qualify to get into nursing school (that is my plan).

Please be praying for me!! I can't imagine how I will balance it all - full time college, 2 part time jobs, and 3 full time kids!! :) I need peace, financial provision (I still have to pay bills afterall), sweet sleep and an occasional break!! I'm trusting God to take care of it all!

I did it!

2009-07-28T12:51:00.005-04:00

I did it! I met my goal! I had so much fun doing it, that I forgot it was my goal until someone reminded me that I'd met it! Ha!

One year ago I set a goal to lose enough weight and get in shape enough to water ski. It was my dream. When I was young I used to slalom all over the lake. At the age of 17, I was in a serious car accident and herniated a disc in my lower back. I was never able to ski much after that. I've missed it - for 20 years!!

I can't even describe how good it felt to do this again - I did it twice in one day! And I can't wait to do it again!

Another first that I did last week:

Our church has broken ground!

2009-05-19T13:49:00.006-04:00

NorthStar broke ground on our new property a few weeks ago to build our new building. The Sunday afterwards, they had enlarged some photos from the event and put them on the wall in the foyer of our current location. Here is one of the photos:

Here are some shots that I got:

Happy Birthday, Guitar Hero!

2009-05-14T09:32:00.003-04:00

It's my oldest son's birthday today! I have such sweet memories of the last 12 years with him. This is his last year before becoming a teenager!! Look out world!

Pray for him this day! He has 2 finals at school - Math and English. He has the middle school musical this evening (he has a speaking part in it!). I am taking him a "donut cake" to share with his class at lunch and hopefully we'll have time to go out to dinner after school/before the musical. Life is so busy this week, it is hard to really celebrate. I feel sorry for him in that way. When you home school, the birthday child is with you all day and you make it a full day celebration. Today is more like an adult birthday for him. He's not used to it. I'm trying to make him feel as special as possible, under the circumstances!

He has grown up so much in the last few months and is doing much better than he was for the last few years. I'm so happy for him and I'm so proud of him!

I am called to be FREE!

2009-04-27T13:58:00.005-04:00

Galatians 5:1 says we are called to be free! That was the theme of this weekend's women's retreat that I attended. It was a beautiful event of worship, teaching and activities! I'm so blessed to have been able to go. It was by Living Vessels Ministries - "The Esther Experience - Called to Be Free".

My children were well taken care of - Missy by a young lady who did all kinds of girly things with her and fed her lots of sugar! Guitar Hero and Candy Man were taken camping by some men in the church and then fishing on Saturday! A "Man's" weekend! So good for them all!

I feel like God is telling me that my season of healing is over. It is time to reach out to others going through what I have been through in the last 3 years. I am ready to be used by Him!

Cardboard Testimonies

2009-04-14T08:45:00.005-04:00

Candy Man and I were asked to be apart of our church's Easter service. We did something called "Cardboard Testimonies". If you haven't seen this before, you can watch videos on YouTube where other churches have done it. It is extremely powerful!

Basically, it was explained beforehand about how having God in your life can change your life. Then 30 or so of us got up and "told" our changes using cardboard. Candy Man's was one of the most powerful testimonies. It received a lot of attention. I was soooo proud of him. It wasn't easy for him to do this. I have to share it with you:

I had to share my latest change that God has done in my life as well! May He receive all the glory!

Missy loves her family

2009-04-10T15:47:00.003-04:00

Of all of my children, Missy Prissy loves her family the most! She knows every one by name (even distant cousins). She notices if any of them get their hair cut (even if she hasn't seen them in months!). She is concerned if she thinks they don't feel good or are upset. She loves them all so much and isn't shy to show them!

I was recently at her school for a Festival of Nations party. On the wall were pictures and sentences that the children had written completing the following: "My favorite place to go is..." There were all kinds of answers like the movies, Disney, the pool - that kind of thing. I couldn't help but chuckle when I read my daughter's:

(It says: "My favorite place to go is to Kentucky. I play with my cousins.")

It is all roses!

2009-04-08T09:36:00.009-04:00

"That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." --2 Corinthian 12:10

(Taken from 4/8 devotion, "Streams in the Desert")

George Matheson, the well-known blink preacher of Scotland, once said,

"My dear God, I have never thanked You for my thorns. I have thanked you a thousand times for my roses but not once for my thorns. I have always looked forward to the place where I will be rewarded for my cross, but I have never thought of my cross as a present glory itself.

Teach me, O Lord, to glory in my cross. Teach me the value of my thorns. Show me how I have climbed to You through the path of pain. Show me it is through my tears I have seen my rainbows."

Amen!

Science Fair, Great Visit with a Friend, and a Funeral

2009-04-07T09:15:00.004-04:00

Game Master's Science Fair was last week. He did a great project on how magnets affect electronic memory. His grade was 103! I am proud of him.

The weekend before that, we had a visit from Jennifer and Jason. I miss that girl so much. It was so good to spend an evening together. Wish we didn't live so far apart...

My Grandmommy died on Monday. We went to Kentucky on Wednesday. Ended up staying until Sunday. There were terrible complications with digging the grave and it delayed the graveside service. Gave us more time together as a family though.

I'm still waiting to hear if the kids will be going to First Baptist Academy again next year. It is not clear to me what God's will is in this yet. He knows. That is good enough for me.

I've got much work to catch up on! Busy, busy!

All kinds of updates

2009-03-10T12:00:00.003-04:00

There has been so much going on here, I haven't had time to blog. Of course, missing almost 2 months of work and housework has given me plenty to do around here! Not that I shouldn't be doing that now... in fact, let me go change out the laundry...I'll be right back...

Okay. So I haven't recovered from my surgery as fast as I'd hoped. But then I found out that my feeling so weak probably has nothing to do with the surgery! I've been having dizzy spells, feeling like I'm going to pass out every time I turn around or stand up! I just black out! AnnieBeth recommended that I take my blood pressure. (I haven't had to do that in several months, since I quit taking bp medicine and it was fine.) That first time I took it, it was 84/40! Whoa! It hasn't been above 104/72 for the last week. It has been consistently low. I talked to my bariatric doctor's office. They had just drawn a bunch of bloodwork in February. It was all great - no dehydration, blood loss or vitamin deficiencies. They were thrilled with those results, but concerned and stumped by my low blood pressure. They referred me to my PCP.

I saw her yesterday. She just smiled really big and asked if I was still taking thyroid medicine. I said I was - I had been told that my weight loss probably wouldn't affect my need for thyroid medicine. She thinks that it has anyway!! She said I am probably overcorrecting now and won't have to take the med anymore. It is probably what is causing the low blood pressure. I should get those test results back today. I hope that is what it is!! That'd be great!

My Grandmommy's health has been up and down for the past month. But as of this weekend, I heard that she'd improved enough to be eating some solid food again!

My kids are struggling. They are desperately in need of a break! Fortunately, there are just 3 more days of school before Spring Break! No, we aren't going anywhere (I wish we were - the beach sounds so good..). I am hoping for some pretty weather here to go to the park and picnics and bike rides and walks! Some real spring weather would be so great!

I am praying for God's direction for the kid's school next year. I will be applying later today for a scholarship again. If God miraculous provides for next year again, then they will all 3 attend the Christian school again. If not, I'll know it is His will for me to homeschool. I don't see how that would be possible, which is why I think he will provide for the Christian school. We'll see...

My good friend, Kendra, had back surgery last week. I'm covering for her, leading our small group, Daughters of the King (for single women). I love these ladies so much. I'm so glad to be able to do it! I am so burdened by their struggles right now. I feel for each one of them. I think this is good timing. It helps me keep my own "stuff" in perspective!

So, everyone have a great week! Hope you are getting a break soon too! I intend to enjoy it!!

Feeling used...it's a good thing!

2009-03-04T09:36:00.002-05:00

God has been working in my heart this week. There are so many ladies around me who are struggling. My heart is broken for them. I want to be there for them and be strong. Their circumstances put mine into great perspective. I needed that.

Just before He made me aware of all of their needs, He showed me my own need to LET GO! I have been holding on too tightly to Game Master. I feel this huge burden to fix him - to help him. God let me know that I am not capable of that. It is not my responsibility to try so hard...to obsess about GM and his problems. I want him to be happy. I want him to be happy RIGHT NOW. God has let me know that it isn't going to happen today, it is going to take time - and HIM. I'm stepping in and messing things up. So, I've committed to stepping aside and allowing Him to do it His way (He really does know better than me).

Meanwhile, God has shown me CandyMan's need to be discipled and ministered to. We spent a great time together last night and he is so open to hearing and growing. He felt so much better this morning and even had a quiet time instead of playing during his extra few minutes before leaving for school!

Every day this week a friend (different ones) has called in need of advise or prayer. I think God needed me to let go of Game Master to make room for others who needed me. I'm thankful to be needed. I'm thankful to be used by Him. It is so much more rewarding and fulfilling to be used by God than it is to try to do it all yourself! If He needs me to work in GM's life, then I will!

A Tribute To Grandmommy

2009-02-17T09:56:00.002-05:00

My sweet Grandmommy is leaving us. She's been an incredible example to all of the women in my family for years. She's taken care of us all - raising five kids and nurturing 12 grandchildren & 11 great-grandchildren (so far). She has always thought of others first.

For the past 5 or so years she has been suffering greatly with Lewy Body Dementia. It has ravaged her muscles and taken over her body. It is a cousin to Parkinson's Disease. It has been so sad to watch her slowly deteriorate. She has survived way longer than anyone expected her to.

The chair-ridden Grandmommy that my children know is not the Grandmommy that I know! My Grandmommy was very active - walking laps at the lake with me, riding her bicycle all over, and cooking huge meals for her large family. I loved sitting on her front porch snapping beans with her. I looked forward to going to church with her and hearing her play the piano! I enjoyed many summer days with her at the lake!

I am sad that she is leaving us, but it seems like she's been gone for so long already. I am glad that she will get a new body soon and feel well! I am glad that she will be with the love of her life - my Granddaddy. I pray for my mom and her family as they deal with this loss. I pray they will make sure that they will be in heaven with Grandmommy when their day comes...

I love you, Grandmommy.

I've met my goal - at just six months!

2009-02-10T11:09:00.006-05:00

I'm so excited to tell you that I have met my personal weight loss goal - in just 6 months! I went to the doctor today for my 6 month check-up. They are very pleased with me - my BMI is in the healthy range! They are increasing my diet. They don't want me to lose more than 10-20 more pounds! Isn't that amazing!? It has far exceeded my expectations, for sure! The lab tech said that she hasn't heard of anyone meeting their goal at 6 months since she's worked there. It made me feel so good. May God have all the glory!!

Here are a few before pictures next to my 6 month shots:

Snow and Surgery

2009-02-03T09:50:00.005-05:00

For the first time in CandyMan and Missy Prissy's life, it has snowed in East Tennessee - enough for them to go sledding! I'm so excited for them. Unfortunately, I had to drive on slick roads yesterday to pick them up from school yesterday (for the first time). Thankfully, despite other cars sliding off the road everywhere, we made it home safely. Of course, this was my first day driving the kids (I've been banned from driving for 2 weeks due to surgery). It was a little nerve racking. I am glad they are out of school today - I needed the extra rest!

So, about the surgery...many of you have been asking on Facebook. Sorry that I haven't answered. I just can't sit at the computer for very long yet. I had a hysterectomy with several repairs. It has wiped me out good. Even 2 1/2 weeks later, I'm still in pain and so very tired. Other women warned me that it'd be this way, but you know me - I'm super woman. Wrong! I am fine though. I had to have the surgery not so much because of any "female problems" that I was having, but because everything was falling out. Nothing was in the place it was suppose to be. Maybe it was from birthing 2 big boys and damage caused during their births. Maybe from age (I refuse to say "old" age). Maybe from my weight loss (was that extra fat holding everything up?). Who knows, but it had to be fixed.

Here are a few beautiful pictures taken yesterday in Tennessee!

2009 FOCUS

2009-01-12T10:08:00.005-05:00

Each year I pray for God to show me a focus for the year - something that I need to learn about, work on, and grow in. A theme, so to speak.

2007 was my first year seperated from my husband of 11 years. That year was full of changes for me and my little ducklings. It was a very difficult year. My yearly focus was "SURVIVE". We did that, even if barely.

In 2008, I knew it was time to move on from just surviving and begin living life again. It seemed life was running me before that and it was time for me to live life with purpose again. My word for the year was "LIVE". It was a good year. God did grow me in this so much and I feel like it was a successful year.

I began praying in December for God to show me my "word" or focus for 2009. One word kept popping into my head and I kept throwing it back. I'm not sure what it is about it that I am rejecting. No, that isn't true - I'm not sure what it is He wants me to do with it! I'm fearful of what He may be preparing me for. The word is "LOVE". I'm hoping to learn about God's Love for me. I want to grow in my love for others. But there is a little part of me that fears that He is preparing me for a significant love in my life - like another husband. I'm afraid of myself. I'm afraid of another relationship. I'm just afraid! My friend Kendra has pointed out to me that I can't underestimate God to provide a great godly man that would be good for me and my children. This is true... I'm just not sure that I want a man in my life.

However, I have been able to see how it may be God's plan for our lives. (I say "our" lives, because I am a package deal now. A husband for me is a daddy for my ducklings. He'd have to be for all of us, not just for me.) And so, I've given it up to God (and keep giving it). I want what He wants. He knows that He has some changing to do in my heart to get me there.

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This is my verse for this year: "No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us." 1John 4:12 It is my desire for others to see God in me - for them to experience His love through me.
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When reading this verse and a little past it, God shows me something else to grow in.... 1John 4:18 says, "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." Well, okay. I guess He does need to work on me in this area...

So, this year is about "LOVE". I don't exactly know what all that looks like yet. But this I will begin with:

So, what is your focus for this year?

Going away...

2009-01-07T09:35:00.002-05:00

Yes, I am going away for a few days. I leave today and will be home Friday. It is so strange for me to leave my kiddies. I never leave them! Plus they have school and stuff. It will be okay though. My friend Megan is staying here with them and transporting them, feeding them and loving them while I am gone. I will miss them so much. What am I saying? I miss them already!

I am going to Atlanta for a conference with my job. I'm going with my dad. It will be good to spend some time with him - and to get some training on this new computer program they've just started.

Please pray for my ducklings to be on their best behavior for Miss Megan and for everything to go smoothly here!

Wonderful Couple of Weeks!

2009-01-05T16:23:00.003-05:00

We have had an incredibly wonderful Christmas break! We've spent some busy, fun time with family in Kentucky and in Tennessee. We've had an extremely fun and relaxing week at home. We've been healthy the whole time (must be a first!). We've all been easy-going, well rested, well fed, and happy! What more can you ask for!?

Tomorrow, we are back to the real world! Back to the crazy schedule - the 5:30 a.m. mornings (will my body do that after this week!?!?) - the go, go, go, gotta hurry... I've loved spending this time with my children and I truly don't want it to end. I know that it has to. I have worked very little during the past 2 weeks (and that isn't good for paying the bills, you know?). It has been a wonderful vacation though.

How much longer until Spring Break? Or even better, summer break!?

The Fumbly Bumbly Angels!

2008-12-15T11:00:00.006-05:00

Our second Christmas performance for the year was as good as the first! I was so impressed by our church's children's Christmas Musical, "The Fumbly, Bumbly Angels"! They did a terrific job!

CandyMan played a lead part - George, the angel. Missy Prissy played one of the three kings. They both did wonderful! I was so proud of them!

My Guitar Hero is playing the trombone!

2008-12-10T11:04:00.004-05:00

I have to say that no one has ever thought that Guitar Hero had any musical talent. He really hasn't had much rythym in the past. He can't carry a tune very well (neither can his mom). He does come from a musical family though - my whole family played musical instruments and had a love for music! He has shown no interest in learning to read music, play an instrument, or sing in a group before. Then the Wii "Guitar Hero" game came out. He has loved that game! A love for music has been born out of that! He wanted an electric guitar for his birthday in May and spent the summer teaching himself to play it. He's REALLY good at it too! When his mom, grandparents, brother and sister would spend summer afternoons in the pool, he'd be indoors practicing his grandfather's acoustic guitar. We enjoyed our mini-concerts when we got out to dry off!
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Seeing this love for music develop and when an opportunity to join a band presented itself and since I loved playing in the band so much, it was natural for me to encourage him to join in! We met with the director who helped him in choosing his instrument - trombone. Grandma and Grandpa have helped with the rental of the trombone (thank you!). And off he went!
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I am talking about a child who generally prefers to stay home and not be involved in anything - church, school or social. I have to make him leave the house. Not for band! He hasn't wanted to quit once. He hasn't gotten frustrated (unless you count the times when I made him stop practicing to go to bed!). He is very serious about it! He has practiced every day in the past week in preparation for the concert - somedays even before school!
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Well, with all of that said...I am one proud Mama Duck! I am thankful that he has something in his life right now that brings him some success and pleasure!

I've lost Candy Man!

2008-12-03T10:26:00.003-05:00

Candy Man went to the doctor 2 weeks ago and was weighed. I had just weighed that morning myself. He weighed exactly what I had lost - 75 lbs! He wanted to see it, so I showed him that evening exactly what that looked like! Guitar Hero couldn't help but snap a picture of us!!

Here we are in my pre-weight loss jammies...

Silly, I know. But fun - and so exciting for me!

It's Been Four Months

2008-12-01T11:02:00.004-05:00

I've been on this journey for 4 months now. I am amazed at God's grace to free me from the obsession of food. Eating has become so unimportant to me now. Food is a means of survival. Truly. Occasionally I have a desire for something, but I know it won't satisfy. Eating is not fun. I take no enjoyment from it. That may sound sad to some of you, but trust me when I say that it is a blessing for me!! Food and eating was just way too important to me before. Now, it is purely to be healthy. I eat my protein, my fruit and veggies. I take lots of vitamins. And that is it. I eat only what I must eat to survive - to be healthy. I am 80 pounds less than I was - and still losing! I had a wonderful Thanksgiving! The time spent with my family was terrific. I didn't eat stuffing, or potatoes, or pie. I don't care either! I don't feel deprived. I feel blessed!! I am free!

Wordless Wednesday

2008-11-26T13:55:00.001-05:00

Another year older...

2008-11-24T11:30:00.004-05:00

My sweet CandyMan celebrated his 8th birthday yesterday! The memories of "eight years ago today" were so great this weekend. He was born on Thanksgiving morning and I am so truly thankful for him!

My Life Verse

2008-11-14T12:23:00.002-05:00

I'm reading a book right now called "Six Secrets to a Powerful Quiet Time" in preparation for co-leading my single women's group. It is a 30 day journey to discover radical intimacy with God. She says to have a life verse. I think this may be mine - my verse and my prayer:

"I waited patiently for the Lord:

he turned to me and heard my cry.

He lifted me out of the slimy pit,

out of the mud and mire;

he set my feet on a rock

and gave me a firm place to stand.

He put a new song in my mouth,

a hymn of praise to our God.

Many will see and fear

and put their trust in the LORD."

-- Psalm 40:1-3

Top of the Mountain!

2008-11-11T12:31:00.004-05:00

I achieved something this weekend that I thought I'd NEVER be able to achieve! It was a huge accomplishment for me! I am thrilled (even if I am paying the consequences for it).

It all started in small group ("Daughters of the King" - for single women). One of the ladies in the group announced that there was a hike coming up on Saturday. I (accidently out loud) said, "I'd love to be able to do that!" Well, immediately my good friend Kendra said, "I'd be glad to keep your kids for you so that you can go."

Oh. Well. What excuse could I come up with not to do it now? I asked lots of questions to the man who was planning the hike. Yes, it was a hard trail. Yes, it was all up hill. Sure, he thought I could do it.

I knew it'd be a challenge, but I have been walking 2-3 miles 3-4 days a week for the last month. The hike was 2 miles up the mountain and 2 miles back down. How hard could it be??

So, with the children all settled, I met at the church a group of people (most in their young 20's, I might add). I volunteered to drive, since I had a van and could carry more people. So, off we went! It was a beautiful trip up past Gatlinburg. We drove through Townsend (the peaceful side of the Smokies). It was gorgeous! Breath-taking.

We arrived at the trailhead excited! A few of us were a little nervous, but mostly pumped about the day and the beautiful weather. As we headed off, we saw a few people completing the hike - huffing and puffing. (I'm thinking, they just did the easy part of the hike - coming DOWN the mountain!???) A young guy on the trip commented, "Uh-oh. She's out of breath. I'm in trouble." I stay brave...

It was hard. As in the sign said "strenuous". It wasn't kidding. The first mile was all uphill. Pretty steep at some points. The second mile was almost all STEPS. And I don't mean paved steps (somehow that sounds easier to me, I don't know why!). It was jagged rock steps. My legs would just go numb/weak at some points and I couldn't take another step up. I wasn't alone with this struggle (thankfully). We had to stop and take recovery breaks. But I was determine to get to the top! And so I pushed on.

Finally, we made it to the top of the mountain and what was before us? A huge rock wall! I had seen pictures of this wall online and decided that I wasn't going to climb that part. But once I got there, I let myself feel some pressure to do it. After all, the group's plan was to climb to the top and eat lunch up there! So I started climbing...

Now I have to add right here that I am TERRIFIED of heights. Like, I can't go past the 2nd step on a ladder. Like, my boys had a loft in the room in our last house and I never went up there (couldn't - it was too high). So, this was yet another challenge to overcome my fear of heights. And yet I climbed...

I climbed over halfway up the wall and realized something. I had accomplished my goal to get to the top of the mountain. This wall thing was only a dangerous feat for me to attempt. I wouldn't regret finishing the climb. I'd be proud of myself for making a wise decision to protect myself for my family's sake. And so, I backed down the cliff and waited at the bottom with some other people who were waiting too.

I thought the worst part was over and the going down the mountain would be a breeze. It was easier, I will say that. But it was hard on my sore legs too. They felt like spaghetti that would give out at any moment. But they didn't. And I made it back to the car.

I made new friends that day. I got to know old friends better. I enjoyed the beautiful scenery and weather. I praised my God. And I accomplished a dream.

Enough of that - Look at me!

2008-11-05T16:04:00.006-05:00

Okay, enough grumpy already. GuitarHero just took my 3 month picture. The biggest change I see this month is in my face!! Here are the "before" face picture and the "3 month" face picture. I think it says everything!

BEFORE:---------------------------------------------------------

-----------------------------------------------AFTER:

I admit it - I'm grumpy!

2008-11-05T11:23:00.005-05:00

Okay, I admit it. I am grumpy! I realized it this morning when GuitarHero and I were have a word battle this morning (that is a nice way to say "yelling at each other"). I've just been mad the last few days. I can't even really tell you why. It's not like there's been one thing that made me mad. It is silly, really.

Oh! I know what it is! Selfishness. I haven't gotten my way. Things keep happening that change my plans. I don't like that. I don't handle that very well. It is one of the things in the past that would've pushed me to eat. I can't eat anymore. Maybe that makes me mad too.

My dishwasher has been broken for a month. The guy finally came to look at it on Monday and said he'd order the part and be back in a couple of WEEKS to fix it. I'm tired of washing dishes. (Like I don't have anything else to do!)

I was stuck at home 2 days last week with sick children. Now CandyMan has been home every day this week. Yep, he's still home today. After a doctor's visit this morning I found out that really he is all better. His current symptoms are due to introducing milk products too soon during the stomach virus. I thought it was the BRATY (banana, rice, applesauce, toast, yogurt) diet I was suppose to give him. Apparently it is the BRAT diet. Yogurt wasn't a good choice... I'll leave you to your imagination.

I haven't been able to exercise for 2 1/2 weeks. I was so sick coughing and couldn't breath enough to walk and now that I'm better, I have a 7 year old home sick and still can't go. I need the exercise - trust me. It'd do the stress good. It'd make me feel better too. (On a brighter note, I've been lifting weights from home and am getting some arm muscles!)

Monday was the monthly Prayer Walk at the kid's school. I really enjoy this each month as I get to walk through the entire school and pray at each classroom door. It is something I look forward to. Didn't get to do it this month.

I have really wanted to help in GuitarHero's class this week with a project they are doing. His teacher asked my help on Friday and I've postponed it every day. It is due Friday...she found someone else to do it. I was really looking forward to it!

Worst of all, GuitarHero's teacher sent a note home yesterday saying he had 2 assignments that he had known about for 1-2 weeks, but had not begun. He also had not told me about either one! He continues to have late assignments and I don't know how to handle it anymore. I've prayed and asked for God's guidance, but don't have an answer yet. I'm definitely frustrated in this situation. It is so hard being a single parent and not having someone to at least "think out loud" through things.

I have been on my knees 3 times in the last 24 hours. My mood is irritable. I can usually handle these little things at this point in my life. I thought maybe my blood pressure was back up, but it isn't. I need an attitude check!

Now I've been on hold for 30 minutes to get through to our insurance company and just got hung up on!!
-

Lately I have been talking about being real with others - telling it like it is - good or bad. So...there it is! My reality today. Nobody is perfect...

What a Treat!

2008-11-03T09:20:00.011-05:00

Halloween was so much more fun this year for me! I will never forget last year - getting off work late, trying to dress my kids so quickly and rushing, rushing (and crying the whole time). Things are so much better this year! For starters, we arrived home much earlier with time for dinner and taking our time getting costumes on. Much more fun!

We visited three local churches for the Trunk and Treats. Most of the cars were decorated in biblical themes. That was really neat. They got so much candy, we won't need any more until next year! They ran into some of last year's school friends. They ate lots of junk (hot dogs, chips, hot chocolate and of course, candy). We all laughed and played around. It was just pure fun!

My little Missy Prissy was Dorothy from Wizard of Oz. Well, she was "Dorofy" if you asked her! Her costume was beautiful. She won the costume contest at our church's fall festival on Wednesday night!

CandyMan was a cow! If you knew him as a younger thing, you know that his security item was a stuffed Chick-Fil-A cow. He still collects them and loves them.

GuitarHero was indecisive this year. He's in middle school now. He knows that dressing up is fun, but maybe he's too old? I don't think so, of course! I don't think you are ever too old to dress up!! So at the last minute he chose to wear a "graduation" gown that I had to sell in my eBay store. He played the part of a Judge! I think he is glad he dressed up!

Well, despite having a busy day of plans today, I am home working instead. CandyMan finally got the stomach virus that the other two had last week! He's feeling a little better this morning, but is going to rest today.

Respect

2008-10-28T10:32:00.004-04:00

Guitar Hero was given an essay to write about the person he respects the most. Here is his paper:

“My Mom”
By Guitar Hero

If I could pick one person that I respect most it would be my mom. I would pick my mom because she is good at cooking, sewing, and spending.

She is amazing at cooking. She could cook anything as long as you gave her the recipe for it.

She is also good at sewing. She has sewed just about every costume that we have had. That is good because Halloween is coming up soon. It is also good because she can fix a lot of our clothes back together, which is helpful if our uniform breaks.

She is also good at spending. You have to know a lot about prices to be a good spender. Being a good spender means we get a lot more money.

She is also good at other things like caring, loving and being healthy. My mom is great and I hope you think she is too. Maybe if you get to know her you would like her just as much.

I've made another goal!!

2008-10-27T12:18:00.004-04:00

The main reason that I started this weight loss journey was to get healthy. I was taking a handful of medications every day and hated that! I wanted to be off of the medicines that I could get off of. And now I officially have.

I went off of blood pressure medication immediately after surgery and haven't needed it since. (My BP today at the doctor was 119/80) The next medication I was able to quit was Singulair - for allergies/breathing. The last medication I wanted off of was for high cholesterol. I was retested last week and got those results back today. I've never heard of anyone's cholesterol being this low!! I'm free from another pill! Yay!

My results compared to a year ago (both on the same medication):

Cholesterol 9/07 (185) now (85) (ideal is <200)

LDL (bad cholesterol) 9/07 (102) now (39) (ideal is <130)

Triglycerides 9/07 (252) now (63) (ideal is <150)

Wooo-hooooo!! Here is my picture from last week. I'll be taking a new one this week since it will be my 3 month anniversary!

Now if I can just get rid of this laryngitis!

We should just call it "Sick Break"

2008-10-24T16:45:00.005-04:00

CandyMan was sick for Spring Break. Now I am sick for Fall Break. No fun!

I've been fighting a cold all week. On Wednesday I went to the doctor to have my cholesterol rechecked and was offered a flu shot. Well, sure! Let's go ahead with that while I'm here. I was planning on taking the kids to the health department when I got home to get all of our shots there anyway.

When I arrived home CandyMan had a low grade fever and wasn't feeling well. I realized that he shouldn't have the flu shot since he wasn't feeling well. That was when I realized that maybe I shouldn't have had the shot either, since I hadn't been feeling great. Too late. I was sick by that evening.

Last night, I got to go sit in the hot tub with Lisa for a couple hours! It seems like so long since we've gotten to talk. It was so good to see her! I was hoping the steam effect would help my sinuses too. I think it did. And the whole experience enabled me to have a good night sleep.

But this morning I woke up completely unable to talk. And I do mean completely. I can whisper. But that is all. It is pitiful. I also have felt terrible. I get dizzy when I stand up. No fever though (thankfully!). So I've pretty much laid around on the couch watching TV all day. If you know me at all, you know that this is very rare for me - and that I have NOT enjoyed it. TV is so stupid (that is probably why I get dizzy when I stand up! ha!).

Well, I'm going to tough it out and go to The Well tonight anyway. I'm just going to go armed with plenty of liquids and maybe a sign that says "I can't talk, but I do love you". I'll just be a good listener tonight...

Hopefully I'll be feeling a lot better tomorrow! We have some fun plans for the next 2 days and I want to enjoy them! CandyMan has a football game in the morning. We are going to Lisa's family's annual Haunted Forest Party tomorrow night. I'm leading Daughters of the King small group on Sunday morning, church, then a birthday party for a special lady Sunday night. Fun stuff! I hope...

I know something you don't know!

2008-10-15T14:08:00.004-04:00

Since Monday I've been telling my kids, "I know something you don't know!" Princess' teacher shared with me on Sunday that she was going to receive an award this week at school. The award is given every 9 weeks to one child in each class and she'd chosen Kennedy. It is called "Pastor's Partners". It is given to the child who shows outstanding Christian character. I was so excited for my little one to receive this award - since she's always seeing her brothers do things (inevitable for the youngest, I suppose).

So I've been telling the kids that one of them had been chose as a "Pastor's Partner". They've begged me to tell them which one it was. I wanted to make sure that Princess knew what the award was so that when she received it, she'd know what an honor it was!

The awards were given out at chapel this afternoon. Sure enough, Princess' name was called for the kindergarten class and she went forward to accept her award and stand with the pastor. All three of my children were beaming smiles at me!

Well!! I did know something that they didn't know - that she was getting the award - but I didn't know ALL of it! The surprise was on me! When they announced that the second grade award went to CandyMan my eyeballs about popped out of their sockets! He smiled so big - it was so cute to see him so proud of himself!!

And then... you guessed it! The sixth grade award went to GuitarHero. By this point I was crying! Many teachers were turning to look at me to see my reaction. I'm pretty sure my mouth was hanging open quite widely.

I am amazed at how blessed I am. I have three of the most wonderful children. I am so proud of them! I know I've said it before, but we are so blessed to be at this school where they pray and learn about Jesus and the Bible every day. I am so thankful! Despite having no (earthly) father in their lives right now, God is filling their needs. My children are overcoming their difficult circumstances. It is all because of God's grace and amazing love!

Two Months

2008-10-13T11:46:00.004-04:00

My friend and accountability partner Kendra has been on me wanting me to post my two month picture. I'm doing really good - feeling great! I have more energy than I did before. I'm walking at least 3 days a week - almost 3 miles each day. On the other days, I'm lifting weights - doing resistance training to try to fill that excess skin. I had a personal goal that I hoped to lose by Christmas and I've already lost that (in 2 1/2 months).

On Saturday, I bagged up all of my clothes that previously fit - 4 lawn trash bags full!! I'm going to donate them to a homeless ministry. I am not ready to buy a new wardrobe, since I plan to lose even more. I've been so blessed to have a couple friends who've given and loaned me some of their clothes to wear during this transition period. Otherwise, I'd really have NOTHING to wear!!

The coolest (and strangest - for me) part is that I really don't enjoy food anymore. Frequently it is an inconvienence to have to eat. I know I have to eat to get some protein and nutrition - and that is the only reason I eat now. I sure wouldn't have thought that God could work this change in my heart and lifestyle! Of course, He can do anything!!

I want to recommend a book to you. It is the book that began this change in my heart. It isn't a diet. It is a change of heart. Go here and check it out.

Okay, so here is my "before" picture that was taken at the end of July this year:

And here is the picture that was taken 2 months later:

In just 2 more weeks I'll be taking another picture and I'll post it then - that will be my 3 month anniversary on the "Loser's Bench"!

Welcome Kendra and Essie!

2008-10-13T10:47:00.002-04:00

I'm so excited to introduce you to two of my sweet sisters in Daughters of the King. They've jumped on the blog-wagon. Go see them and welcome Kendra and Essie!

I'll try to blog more later today, sweet Essie! I love you two!

Life's Themes

2008-10-04T11:50:00.002-04:00

I haven't updated lately. Sorry. I've just been living life. That was my goal this year - to live. Last year's theme was "survive". I did that...even though there were days when it felt like I wouldn't. This year I wanted to do more than survive. I wanted to LIVE! Last year, life was running me. This year, I wanted to be more aware and be able to make choices about my life - to let God run my life, but be okay with that. Does that make sense? I just wanted to enjoy this year more! And I am!

My days are very, very full. Some days I don't even get any work done. Sometimes that worries me, since I'm already on a very low income! But I've been determined to do exactly and only what God wants me to be doing each day. And I am. And He is providing everything we need. Some months it is so very close, but it is all there. I trust Him. I have every reason to. He is faithful.

And it isn't all about finances. As a single mother, it has been hard not to make money my primary focus for providing for my kids. Once I was able to put that aside and trust God for that I was able to provide so much more for them! They needed me in so many other ways. I am so thankful that I can focus on their spiritual and emotional needs and not ALL on their physical needs. It allows me to really feel like their mom again (and not just their caretaker). I can meet thier needs of providing a home, clothes, meals, etc... But I can also spend my time raising them and teaching them and playing with them.

I'm amazed at what God has done in my family. He has been so good to me.

I wonder what next year's theme will be? Maybe LOVE! Crazy Love!

CandyMan was baptized yesterday!

2008-09-15T13:54:00.004-04:00

It was a really sweet service. I will always remember it.

Toward the end of the service, CandyMan asked if he could go up to the altar to pray. He knew he was being baptized that morning. As he walked up there, I noticed that he was barefoot (he'd left his flipflops under his chair beside me). Almost immediately, GuitarHero followed him. As CandyMan knelt at the altar and bowed his face to the ground, GuitarHero bowed over him. Then "Mr. Dentist" and his son came and laid his hands on them both and prayed over them. And I cried. It was so sweet to watch a brother and men praying over my sons. I was so blessed.

Then to stand and watch my sweet boy be baptized and my church family cheer for him! It was so sweet. So precious.

CandyMan had asked "Mr. Dentist" to baptize him. He is the husband of my small group leader (the one for single women). He watches our children during our group time. He has become a very special man in my children's lives. He blesses them (and thus me) so much! I am so thankful for him!

It was a beautiful Sunday and a blessed day for me as a mother! I have prayed for this child since before he was born. I am so honored to be his mom.

Praying for Texans

2008-09-12T17:55:00.003-04:00

I'm sure you are all praying for those in the path of Hurricane Ike. Please pray specifically for my brother and his wife, Brian and Wendy. They live in Houston, TX and have stayed there to try and stick it out. It's going to be bad. They've already been told to expect to be without power for a week or more. My family appreciates your prayers.

Some family pictures

2008-09-08T19:10:00.004-04:00

I am pretty bad about not taking pictures of my children anymore. I'm so far behind in scrapbooking and besides the lack of time, I dread starting where I left off (pre-seperation/divorce). I'm afraid it will be painful...

Anyway - even when I take pictures of the kids - I am never in them! So it was great when mom offered to take our picture on Sunday when we arrived at their house after church. I probably shouldn't be posting this, since you'll probably all get them in my Christmas cards (if I get around to sending them!!).

On another note, CandyMan got his first pair of glasses this evening. He was really nervous about it, but after putting them on and seeing how much better he can see - he is thrilled! Here is my smart boy:

One month can make a big difference!

2008-09-04T21:11:00.006-04:00

I haven't blogged much lately because summer break is over and life is up and running again! Crazy busy!! A few friends have asked me how I am doing since my surgery though, so I thought it might be time for a quick update.

I am really doing great! I have completely healed from the surgery and have been released to normal activities. I'm having no problem what-so-ever with my eating, drinking, vitamins, or exercise. I don't have many clothes that fit. I'm having more energy than I've had in a long, long time. I can't tell you how great that I feel!

Most importantly, my relationship with God has strengthened so much as a result of this! I have been able to really let go of my love for food and put that focus on Him. Food is truly for nourishment now. I feel more free than I've ever felt!!

Of course you are wondering about "the number". How much have I lost? Well, sure that is important to me - in that the less that I weigh, the better I'll feel and the healthier I'll be. It is a good number that I'm very surprised and pleased by. But it isn't all about the number for me. So, after one month... I'll give you the pictures:

Before the surgery and One month after the surgery:

Summer Bible Study is over!

2008-08-20T11:31:00.004-04:00

I got to be apart of an incredible Bible Study this summer. My friend Lisa and I decided to do something together this summer to keep us in the Word and not get too lazy. We thought it'd be fun to do this study and get together every other week for lunch at her house and discuss it. My friend Jen (in Ohio) told me about the study and invited me to do it. Lisa had seen it on the web and thought about it already. So - there you go! We decided to do it.

I had NO idea how it would change my life! I always expect to be challenged when I do a Bible Study, but I never saw this coming!

The study was introduced on Beth Moore's blog. She challenged women to join her in doing a study over the summer. She put a video on the blog every other week to watch and discuss with your group. Women from all 50 states proceeded to sign up! I know that over 500 finished it - the count is still rising. Then Lisa's sister-in-law Beth joined in and the three of us spent the summer doing the "No Other Gods" study by Kelly Minter.

I had been "jumping through all of the hoops" to get my surgery approved and scheduled since January. I had been praying about it all along the way. I had been asking God for the strength to go through with it. The surgery is not easy. And it is just a tool. It still takes great discipline and restraint!

This study really made me aware of how much my love for food and eating was a sin. It became so apparent that it was an idol in my life. I was challenged to give it up as an offering to God. This process brought me to the point of being so willing to make right eating choices for God. I even lost 10 pounds before the surgery. It has had a great impact on my heart. I am thankful! I feel like I've been set free!

Here are my Summer Siestas!

And...they're off!

2008-08-11T09:42:00.003-04:00

Well, today is the day. It's been much anticipated and a little dreaded. My little ducklings are all at school.

Yes, I am excited about the new school and so, so thankful for God's gift that they can all three attend. I am sure that it will be a better year. I just wish that I could homeschool them.

They all handled it like pros. I'm so proud of them. Missy Prissy did ask me three times, "Mommy, what if I'm not brave and I'm shy?" She is such an outgoing child - after she gets to know you. She is VERY shy at first and it is so hard for her to get past it. Now, once she's past it, look out!

I walked them in to the morning assembly (they start everyday all together in assembly for prayer and devotion!!). After each class was dismissed and went to their classrooms, I went down to Missy's room to carry the rest of her stuff down to her. She had big tears in her eyes (before she even saw me). When she saw me, she started bawling! I took her into the hall and held her for a few minutes. Her teacher was taking the class to show them where the bathrooms were, so she went with them bravely.

Letting go... again...

This ain't no public school!

2008-08-08T11:41:00.004-04:00

I'm so excited! We went to the kid's new school Open House last night. It was so amazingly different than public school! I'm so excited!

To hear that my children's teachers have been praying for them by name every day this summer and will continue to do so every day this year! To begin the assembly with prayer! To end the assembly with laying hands on each teacher and praying for them!! I was so ecstatic and had to be glowing!! I can't tell you what it felt like to put my hand on Guitar Hero's teacher and pray for her and to look her in the eyes afterwards and see her tears and hug her!! Wow!! How powerful!

School starts on Monday. I know most moms are so ready for school to start by this point. I'm not. Sorry, but I'm not! I love having my kids at home! I do! I love having lazy evenings with them, staying up with them, sleeping in. I love being able to go and do as we please! I love their relaxed attitudes that no school allows. I love their hugs throughout the day as I'm working. I even love their interruptions and opportunities to spend time one on one with each child! But it is almost over...

Back to hurry, hurry. Back to schedules, homework, agendas, studying, mealtimes, bedtimes, and all the emotions and upsets that go with all of that structure!! Still, maybe it will be better with all the additional prayer from the school. Do you know that everyday at school will begin with an assembly where they will pray and have a devotion? How very different from public school. What a great tone to start the day! Oh, how I pray it will make the difference in my children too!

I guess it's no secret...

2008-08-04T20:23:00.004-04:00

Well, it's been a little while since I've blogged. It feels longer than it's actually been!! There is a reason for this. I've had a major life changing event take place and I wasn't ready to share yet. I think most of you know now though. So here I go...

I had surgery on Tuesday. Yes, one week ago tomorrow. I was in the hospital for 2 nights. It was planned surgery. I knew it was coming (for a couple of months actually). It was just something I had prayed about a great deal and needed as few distractions as possible before doing. Most people have their opinions about this surgery and won't hesitate to tell you (or bombard you, in some cases!). I needed to stay on track with the research that I had gathered, as well as the preparation that needed to be done without having to reassure too many people.

Do I have your curiosity peaked enough yet? Are you thinking I had breast enhancement? No, of course you aren't. You know me way better than that!! I had gastric bypass surgery. It was a huge decision for me. It was not considered lightly. Much research and prayer went into it. I feel really good about it.

It has been a hard week, but not too hard. I've had a great support system of close friends. I can't help but sing Lisa's praises at this point. What a friend! She stayed in the hospital with me all but one night shift. She is the one who pushed me to do every single thing the doctor wanted me to do (so lovingly). I couldn't have done it without her. I didn't know I'd need the help. God did. He sent Lisa. I'm so grateful.

Also, my sweet friend Kendra. She kept my Missy Prissy. She's arranged meals to be brought to my children for the first week (can't tell you how thoughtful that is, since I can't eat!!). Many others have helped too. Thanks so much!

Where am I at now? I am drinking 64 ounces of fluid every day - approx. 60 grams of which is protein. Every day I feel a little better. I drove to Food City for a quick trip yesterday. I worked half a day today and rested before driving to a support group meeting tonight. It was good to be with other people who've had the surgery.

So, here is my "before picture". Enjoy, since I will be changing rapidly (10.5 pounds less already).

Breakfast with a childhood friend!

2008-07-20T18:06:00.005-04:00

I have recently reconnected with a childhood friend. It's been amazing! We were friends from the time I was 9 yrs until 15 yrs old. We were neighbors actually - on a great street full of kids our age. We haven't seen or spoken to each other since early high school!
.

We met yesterday morning and had a quick breakfast together! She was in town visiting her mom. We hope to do it again sometime!

The coolest thing is this - she is a Christian. She became a Christian just a few years ago. We have a lot in common too!

Anyway, it was really neat to get caught up with her. I look forward to building that friendship again!

Guitar Hero Answers!

2008-07-10T09:21:00.003-04:00

Finally we have some answers about some of Guitar Hero's weird symptoms! It all adds up! But it took a very scary event for us to get there.

Remember - since January he's called me from school several times saying that he's had an episode where he can't see and everything turns green. He was also sent home at least 3 days after vomiting at school - and then seemed fine soon after coming home. I was really getting to the point of thinking it was psychosomatic - brought on by stress. It was really frustrating how many days this child didn't feel well.

I thought once school was over, he'd improve drastically. Well, he hasn't really. He has days when he doesn't feel like doing anything but sitting still and watching TV. He just honestly doesn't feel well, but can't really tell me what feels bad. But if I try to push him to play or go somewhere, it isn't pretty.

Last week we were running a few errands (me and three little ducklings). Guitar Hero was in one of his really cranky moods and was complaining that his head hurt. He was very irritable with all of us.

The last stop was at the grocery store. We were done shopping and in the check out line. All of a sudden, he reaches his hands out and says, "Mom, it's happening again! I can't see anything! Everything is green!" He's swaying around like he might fall and I get close to him to hold him. About that time, he starts to go down. He had no control of his body - he was passing out on me! I held him up and kept saying his name. Several Food City employees came over to help. Then he said, "Mom, I think I'm going to throw up." I grabbed a bag and held it for him while he heaved. It was all I could do to keep him on his feet. His face was white! It was so scary! One employee wheeled up a wheelchair so he could sit down. Another one came running from the deli with a cup of ice. His face then turned green.

It was so terrifying! He got to feeling better after a few minutes. Food City was so great to help! CandyMan helped the man get our groceries into the car. I wheeled Guitar Hero to the car and helped him in. I got him a banana to eat right away.

We went on home, but scheduled an appointment with his doctor for first thing in the morning. His pediatricians (have I said before how great they are!?) both examined him thoroughly. It was determined that he is having migraine headaches with auras. I hate to hear this for him, but I am glad to know what has been going on with him!

We are keeping a "headache journal". This will be helpful to the doctors in determining what kind of treatment he needs. We have been warned to expect some problems once school starts in the fall, due to stress.

What a great summer day!

2008-07-06T18:25:00.005-04:00

We've had a great Independence Day weekend, for the most part. The only bad part about it is that Guitar Hero has been feeling poorly. He was diagnosed with migraines on Wednesday (after having a terrifying episode in Food City on Tuesday). He's been coughing and tired ever since. So, I don't think his weekend was very good!

We spent the 4th (Friday) in the pool at my parents. We celebrated the holiday with a fun street party cook out with fireworks. Half the neighborhood was there. Very fun! It was a great day. Then we went back again today. Sometimes you just want to do it all. Today was one of those days!

We began the day with a boat ride. Mom and Dad traded their fish-n-ski boat for a pontoon boat last summer. It is great for taking rides in. I keep trying to talk them into getting a tube to pull the kids behind the boat. I don't know why they haven't?? Guitar Hero went with us for this excursion, but he fell asleep on my shoulder. CandyMan and Missy Prissy took turns driving (with Grandpa's help, of course).

Then we came in for a picnic. Mom cut open a watermelon and it turned out to be one of those newer yellow watermelons. She was so disappointed - she'd been looking forward to a juicy red watermelon all weekend. So she closed her eyes and ate it (pretending it was red). It was actually very good! CandyMan has twice had an allergic reaction to watermelon (last summer). He ate this watermelon and had no reaction! Interesting, huh? He was thrilled, since it was so good!

Then we spent the afternoon in the pool. It was a very hot day which makes a perfect day to lay in the water all afternoon! It was relaxing and refreshing! Mom always stocks the outside fridge with popsicles and various ice cream treats - and NEVER says no if you ask for one. CandyMan had 2 popsicles and 3 ice cream sandwiches, Missy Prissy had 4 popsicles and 1 ice cream sandwich. Of course, that doesn't include the cokes and sprites they were freely given! They love it!

Now we are home. Two children are whipped by all the fun and sun. One is just whipped from being ill (poor guy). It was a great 3 day weekend! Hope yours was too!

Hoping for a Big Brother for Guitar Hero!

2008-06-26T13:36:00.004-04:00

I have debated about doing it. Then I filled out the application online for it. Then the paperwork was completed. And then it sat on my desk. There was a section for Guitar Hero to complete. But I needed to explain it to him. And so there was a short delay. Why? I really don't know...

But today Guitar Hero completed his section of the application for the Big Brothers Big Sisters program. I will mail it tomorrow and be praying for a good placement for him.

I want to share with you his answers:

1. Would you like to have a BIG? Yes.

2. Why would you like to have a BIG? Because I feel that I need to be encouraged more. Because my dad has let me down so many times.

3. What would you like us to tell a BIG about you? I like video games, Yugioh cards, football, and going to baseball games."

4. If you could have one wish, what would it be? I would like a man to look out for me.

5. What would you like to be when you grow up? If I go to college and work hard, I would be an engineer. Or if I can't be an engineer, then I would like to be an archeologist.

6. Describe an adult who has made you feel good about yourself by encouraging you and being your friend. My mom makes me feel good in times when I'm down and encourages me when I need it the most. We have long talks together and big discussions."

If you read this, wouldn't you want to be a Big Brother to such a cool kid!?

Attacks after the Journey

2008-06-25T14:48:00.004-04:00

Wow! God really worked in lives this past weekend at the Journey with Jesus event! Now Satan is working hard to undo it! I don't think that I've ever heard of so many attacks on so many people after an event like this!

We've had 2 ladies who've had their cars die on them. Two other ladies who've had car wrecks (one was taken to the emergency room!). Another lady fell at work and hurt her head. And several others who are struggling from personal attacks. This is crazy!!

We cannot let him gain any power over us through this. We must do as Galatians 5: 1 says: "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." We must remain strong in our faith! Please pray for the "Daughters of the King" - the small group of ladies who worked this event!

A Journey With Jesus

2008-06-16T17:07:00.002-04:00

It has been a couple of years since I have taken apart in the planning of a church event. I have missed it so much. It is my gift and I haven't been using my gift.

My small group at church has planned and worked toward a very special event for our church that will take place this weekend. I have gotten to be apart of the team helping. I haven't been in charge of it. Whew! I admit that I miss coordinating ministries and events, but I think I have to slowly get back to that. My brain is pretty full most days and I'm afraid of overloading it! But it has been wonderful to be apart of it. And I really can't wait for this weekend!

The event is called "A Journey with Jesus". It is a personal hands-on walk towards growing closer to God. I can't wait to do the walk myself! God has been preparing me for my own journey (painfully and with many tears so far).

If you live here in Knoxville, I want to invite you to my church for this event! You can come ANYTIME on Friday between 5-9pm, or on Saturday between 10am-6pm. You just show up (as you are). It is something that you can do by yourself or with your spouse. There is childcare provided. I am sincere when I invite you (even if you go to another church and all). This is going to be a life changing event for anyone who comes. I have no doubt of that! And I don't want anyone that I know to miss it!

She's Expecting!

2008-06-13T17:58:00.002-04:00

Yep, you read that right. She, being Long-Gone-Papa's new wife (who supposedly can't have children) is pregnant. I've felt bad for hoping that they would never have children. But I've come to realize that I really don't wish for this poor girl to be infertile. I wish for L-G-P to be infertile!

This man has three beautiful children whom he cares nothing about! Two of them have had birthdays in the last month and he has barely acknowledged them - no gifts, nothing! These are children! Heart-broken children to say the least. Children who want to spend Father's Day with their dad? Nope, not even that anymore. They are so hurt, they want to spend it with MY dad! He's more of a man in their life than their dad is!

Does this man really need another child? I feel sorry for this child. I feel sorry for his wife! But, more than anything, I feel sorry for my little ducklings. They don't deserve to have to share him (what little there is of him) with a new baby. Sure, he won't do anymore for this new child than he has for my three. But they won't know that so much - since this new child will be living with their daddy. You know?

It's just disgusting!

Business is picking up!

2008-06-13T17:43:00.003-04:00

This week has been the first week that I've been able to devote all my "work time" to Mama Duck's Nest. Actually, I worked at my other job for a little while on Monday morning, but other than that...

It's been a great week! I've enjoyed it much more than my other job. And I'm seeing results already! I've been to the post office every day this week with armloads. It's been great! AND I can see a little more of the floor in my office, which is a great thing! I've been buying, but not listing for a couple of months (while working my other job). I've spent the week listing items. I've listed 112 more items in the last few days. And I took yesterday afternoon off to go play with the kids!

It's also been a very difficult week. Guitar Hero has been on some medicine for over a month now that has helped him so much! I've seen some great things happening and even others have noticed. BUT! It caused him to lose his appetite and he lost 8 pounds! The doctor had to take him off of it! So he tried another kind. We began that on Sunday. It went downhill from there. By Wednesday he was flat out evil! CandyMan and Missy Prissy were totally freaked out by his meanness. I was too. Then on Thursday, he was just completely miserable. I took the kids to lunch and to the fountains to play. He didn't even want to go. He wanted to come home and do nothing. At lunch, he ate nothing and just sat there trying to pull his hair out (literally!). At one point he started banging his head on the table. He didn't even realize he was doing it until I pointed it out! Poor kid. That is when I realized - the new medicine!! I called the doctor and he stopped that medicine immediately. I picked up another new kind today and we'll start it tomorrow. Sure hope it works...

I have other news too, but it deserves it's own disgusting place on my blog!

Missy Prissy turns SIX today and we get a new family member!

2008-06-06T18:37:00.003-04:00

Today is Missy Prissy's sixth birthday (on 6/6!). She's had a fun day. We are going to officially celebrate on Monday at my parent's house with a pool day! Missy has requested chocolate cupcakes with chocolate frosting and chocolate ice cream with chocolate syrup!! (~~She loves chocolate~~)

But this afternoon she got to go adopt her first pet from Build-a-Bear with Grandma and I. We had a great time at the mall. This is the bear she chose (surprised, anyone?). She chose it's outfit, shoes, heart, voice, and name. It is really cute! I love the "adoption" message that this process gives to her. She chose her bear, just like we chose her six years ago. When her new bear was given a box to come home with her in, Missy said, "Now she has a home, just like I do!" That is right, sweetheart!

So I introduce you to the newest member of our family: Pinkie! (with Missy and Grandma)

Pray for me

2008-06-04T17:55:00.002-04:00

Please pray for me. I'm sick. I hurt all over. I just talked to my small group leader and she has it and her future daughter in law has it too (we must have gotten it at small group on Sunday?). I can't hardly move. I have three ducklings who need me. Must feel better tomorrow...

Back to bed for me...

Summer's Good!

2008-06-03T09:40:00.002-04:00

We have had an incredible week and a half since school got out! No one has been in bed before 10 or 10:30, and it's been much later some nights. The boys even slept until 11am one morning!! I couldn't believe it!

We've been having so much fun together! I've been working hard during the day and the kids have been playing hard! We've spent a couple days at my parents swimming in their pool.

Today started a new chapter of our summer though. Missy Prissy started summer school for 4 weeks in the mornings at a Knox County school. Guitar Hero started a summer school program for 4 weeks in the mornings at their new school, First Baptist Academy. CandyMan is home with me (studying Wii) ;). I'm going to get some work done and try to blog again soon...

Please pray for my hurting friend

2008-05-23T20:54:00.005-04:00

While I have had an incredibly great day, I've just read about a friend of mine who is hurting severely. And so it hurts me too.

Please pray for my friend Melanie. It has been four years since her 3 year old son Hunter was killed by an impaired driver. She has lost her father and suffered through treatments for breast cancer during those four years. She is having a really difficult time this week (the 4 year anniversary of the accident).

I can't express to you how extraordinary this lady is. She was my best friend for years before the tragedy. I love her dearly. I would do anything for her. I don't know what to do for her. Except pray. And ask you to pray.

The quiet has ended...

2008-05-22T15:04:00.003-04:00

Yes, the quiet has ended and it is LOUD around here once again! I hear SpongeBob playing upstairs, Guitar Hero (the game) playing loudly on the TV downstairs, and an electric guitar belting out some sort of Rock-n-Roll (they are each de-schooling this afternoon). Today, I'm enjoying it. I'm not so sure about a month from now, but I hope to be managing my time (and theirs) well enough to have enough play time with them to appreciate it!!

After working outside the home all last summer, I WILL NOT take this summer break for granted! I love my children so much. I am so glad they won't be spending their summer in daycare. I am so thankful that I get to spend it with them!

Ahhhh...quiet...

2008-05-22T07:57:00.002-04:00

As much as I am looking forward to my kids being out of school today for summer, I am very much aware of how hard it is going to be to work with all three of them around! I'm going to savor my last morning working at home...with quietness. Ahhhhh...

Mohawk Man!

2008-05-21T20:31:00.004-04:00

I had to put an update on CandyMan on here! He's been begging for a mohawk since Christmas. I told him he could have one this summer. He talked me into letting him get it for his last day of school tomorrow. It's just hair, right??

Candy Man's Award!

2008-05-21T15:17:00.002-04:00

Candy Man had his awards program this morning. He was awarded a Good Citizenship Award from his teacher. She said that even when every other child in the classroom was out of control, she could count on CM to be good! I'm so proud of him!

I got a good picture of him with his friends. One of those friend's became sick right after this picture was taken... hope CM doesn't get it!!

CM had a great year in school. He's excited to begin a new year at a new school, but he's also sad to say goodbye to his friends. Of course, I'm sure he'll have no problem making new friends at the new school. Easy for me to know and tell him right now. Harder for him to understand at this point. He's not too upset though. He's Mr. Laid Back!

This year was his teacher's first year teaching. She was great! We loved her to pieces! She was so sweet and so good with him. She had so much energy and was so gung-ho all year. I was very pleased with her! CM really liked her too!

Guitar Hero's Award!

2008-05-20T13:53:00.002-04:00

Guitar Hero is just glad it's almost over. For his sake, I am too. He has had the worst year of all at school. He's had a terrible teacher. He's struggled through the year (after being a great student his previous years).

Today was the Fifth Grade Awards Program. I couldn't help but notice the 'stats' on each class. There were four classes. The other three classes each had many children who made Honor Roll for the year - 11, 12, & 14 in each class. GH's class had 7, and only one of them was a boy.

We were encouraged to check out our fifth graders and take them to lunch to celebrate. By the time we got in the car, he was crying. He had overheard his teacher talking about him this morning. Then, he'd endured a long and drawn out awards program. Normally, he's one of the children getting all the awards. He's been used to that, I suppose. That was not the case today however. He got a "certificate of completion" for fifth grade, along with every other student there. He was really hurting. I am hurting for him.

At lunch we talked about his part in not having a better year. We talked about what we could do differently next year to make it a better year. We talked about what we could do this summer to prepare him for next year. We both feel much better now.

Only 1 1/2 more days and he's out of there!! (And a middle schooler!!??)

Missy Prissy's Award

2008-05-19T19:47:00.005-04:00

Tonight was Award's Night for Missy Prissy's grade at school. Her teacher has been great this year and has been so good for her! Missy is still at the bottom of her class and that is made more obvious seeing her with her class. She is just still immature. I feel certain that another year of kindergarten will be best for her.

Now for her awards... she was given a "Citizenship Award". Only 2 girls from her class were given this award. I'm so proud of her for this!!

She was also given the "Rookie Reader" award, for being so good at sounding out words this year.

Her teacher was very creative and gave silly awards predicting their future careers. It was really funny - and cute! Missy was awarded the most likely to be famous as a talk show host!!

On a little different note... I just googled her teacher's name to try to find a picture of her and found this and this! It is her teacher! She's very good, huh?

Here is a picture of Missy and her favorite friend:

Here is a picture of Missy with her "boyfriend" (she says!):

Dude, Rock On!!

2008-05-14T19:52:00.003-04:00

Those are the only words that have come out of GameMaster's mouth. "Rock On!" That is all he has to say about his birthday present!

Today, my oldest child turned 11 years old. All he wanted for his birthday was an electric guitar and an amp. He's been playing an old electric guitar of my fathers, but without an amp (you can't hear much at all). But still, he's been really into it. He has asked and asked for me to buy him an amplifier to go with it. I kept telling him that there was no way that I could afford to get him one for his birthday. I'd looked online and they are all so expensive!

Well, earlier this week I talked to my dad about it. We decided to go shopping to see what we could find. I knew that dad would not be happy with the $100 cheap kid's guitar at Walmart. He knows more about this than I do. So we went about trying to find a quality guitar at a price that I could handle.

In the end, we bought a new Fender StarCaster. We split the price and got it from all of us. It came with an amp, picks, strings, strap, and more - basically everything he needs to get started. I was thrilled to be able to get him a guitar this nice. So was my dad.

So, my dad (we call him Doppler Daddy - a story for another blog post) takes it all home with him to hide it. Of course, he decides he better get it out and tune it. He's been so excited about it for the last few days! It has been hilarious! He's called me and played it over the phone to me!

Tonight, after a yummy Japanese dinner (GameMaster's choice), we went by my mom's office (it was closed) and gave it all to him. He was speechless.

So, in honor of his new hobby (he's just not into video games as much these days), he will no longer be called GameMaster. I think "Guitar Hero" is more fitting!

"Rock On, Guitar Hero!"

You're Fired!

2008-05-14T15:14:00.003-04:00

No, not me this time. I don't know what I'd have to do to get fired by my dad! Actually, he's usually begging me to do more work!

The Papa got fired from yet another job. I've lost count now. He's avoided calling us for a whole month now. I had a feeling that was why (history keeps repeating itself and I knew it wouldn't be long now). So it wasn't a huge shock or disappointment when I finally got the call from him. He's been without a job for a month. He starts a new one next week (he says). He won't tell me where though.

It will take the state a couple of months to find him again and for them to garnish his wages so that we'll get child support. That'll hurt.

He says it is my fault that he got fired. Apparently a friend of mine was eating in Papa's restaurant (he was the store manager). When Papa tried to say hello to this friend, the friend went off on Papa. The only thing he'd tell me that was said was... "When I heard that you were abusing your children, I wanted to bash your head in." Papa admitted that it was said calmly. But Papa became furious and was yelling and telling this friend off. A customer called in a complaint to the headquarters, and Papa was fired.

Papa is mad that I have been talking about him hurting the children. He's still in denial about what he did. He's not really denying it anymore, but he's not admitting to it either. He feels like us going to court and the whole ordeal is nobody's business.

Oh well. That was my decision to talk to friends and ask for help and prayers. I didn't do anything wrong. And I won't take responsibility for him losing his job either. I'm certain there is more to it than just this one instance anyway.

I don't know who the friend was who did this. But if you are him, thank you. You stood up and honored me and my children. Even Papa said you did it in a calm and respectful manner. Good for you!

He told me about another friend who ran into him in Cracker Barrel while he was eating with his new wife. She cornered him by the bathrooms and accused him of cheating on me. She didn't know that we'd divorced. I thank that friend too (don't know who?). We should be quick to hold others accountable in their marriages!

I don't know who these people are, but I am thankful for them. I know it must be hard. But they are standing up for their beliefs and for me and my children! I appreciate that!

I recently ran into a man who'd I'd been friends with him and his wife. He has cheated on her and left her and married the new woman, leaving his wife and child out of the picture. I froze. I didn't know what to say to him. I wish I had had the nerve to tell him how I felt, to tell him what me and the kids have been through and what he is doing to his wife and son. But I didn't. Instead I just said hi.

I am thankful for you, my friends - whoever you are!

Nicely said...

2008-05-13T08:03:00.002-04:00

I just have to share with you the Mother's Day card that GameMaster gave me. He insists that he read every card that they had and chose this one. I have to tell you that it could not be more perfect! I've cried all 3 times that I've read it!

It says:

"When a son says, "I love you, Mom," it can be for lots of reasons. Perhaps, it's the way she held him when he was small, or the way she taught him to be strong and proud of who he was...

Maybe it's because even when it wasn't easy, she loved him anyway and went right on believing in him. And maybe, if he's very lucky, it's because of all those things. At least, that's how I feel when I say, "I love you, Mom."

There can't be a more fitting card out there!

A special surprise and a flash to the past!

2008-05-11T11:43:00.004-04:00

I received an unexpected phone call yesterday afternoon. The caller told me to change clothes, drop my kids off with her husband and head to the Oak Ridge Playhouse.

Since this call was from my good friend Lisa, I did it! Several women in our church had gotten together for dinner and a production that evening. At dinner, it was announced that there were a couple of extra tickets for the production. Lisa immediately thought of me, called her husband about keeping my kids and called me.

Guess what the production was? One of my all-time favorite movies! Grease!

A few years ago, I watched the movie again (it had been years). I had forgotten how "naughty" it was! I was a bit shocked - that my parents had let me watch it over and over when I was younger!

Well, the stage production has different words in it than the movie. It was even "naughtier"! Even though it was a mother/daughter night with the church, I was thankful that my daughter wasn't there! I did see some other kids there. I saw a few open mouths a couple of times from our group, but noone said anything about it being offensive or anything. I think everyone enjoyed it!

This local company did a very good job. It was impressive. I think the music was especially good, but maybe I was partial since I knew the music director? I don't think so, I think they did a really good job!

I had a very nice evening. I'm so thankful for getting to go (especially to Dennis for keeping my children!). It was a special Mother's Day gift!

I'll write more about Mother's Day later...we are off to my mom's for lunch!

It's a Sign

2008-05-08T12:21:00.008-04:00

Do you think that God gives us a "sign"?
-

I've had the strangest experience happen to me TWICE in the last two weeks. When I shared it with my children this morning (that it had happened again), GameMaster said, "Mom, that is a sign."
-

Well, I've had that thought, but I'm not sure what "the sign" says!!?

Here is the experience:

I have witnessed two wrecks. Both involved one vehicle. Both were in the middle of the day on nice, pretty days. They just simply lost control of their cars and flipped them upside down.
-

One car was in front of me when it happened. It was like it happened in slow motion. It really shook me up. I was calling 911 before the car had come to a complete stop (on it's roof in a ditch).
-

In the other wreck, the truck was heading toward me. It was in real-time - hitting a telephone pole and flying off the other side of the road in front of me. Again, I was calling 911 - even before I'd seen where the truck had landed (on it's roof in the woods).
-

In both instances, the victims were able to get out of their cars (crawling out the window). They were both sitting beside their vehicles when emergency vehicles arrived. I don't know about any injuries, but I do know they survived.

The only thing that I could think was I've got to slow down and be more careful. I called my dad and told him to please be careful (I was returning home from meeting him).
-

Now, do you think this is a sign? If so, what is the message?

How to Use Your IRS Check:

2008-05-05T15:48:00.008-04:00

I got this in an e-mail from my aunt last week. I thought it was so true, but a bit funny too!

As you have heard, most of us will be getting a rebate check to stimulate the economy.

If we spend the money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China.

If we spend it on gasoline, it will go to the Arabs.

If we purchase a computer, it will go to India.

If we purchase fruits & vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras, & Guatemala.

If we purchase a good car, it will go to Japan.

If we purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan.

None of which will help the American Economy. We need to keep that money here in America. The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it at Yard Sales since those are the only businesses left in the U.S.

How about eBay!? Feel free to spend your tax check at Mama Duck's Nest! (I have no shame, do I?)

Some sort of control...

2008-05-02T14:15:00.003-04:00

The beginning of the week was unbelievably crazy! It all escalated on Tuesday when I found out that GameMaster has been lying to me about being caught up on his school work when he really wasn't.

I've been living with a liar for a long time. I am not going there again! That is all it took for me to put on the skids and take control.

Here is what I learned. The more structure (i.e. grounding him in his room with homework and cleaning to do) that I provide for him, the sweeter he is.

Now, I'm not like that. You put a bunch of boundaries on me and tell me what to do and how to do it - I go nuts! That is not how GM is though. He needs me to put up the boundaries on him, because he can't do it for himself.

So, after me putting in some pretty strick boundaries and showing him that I meant business - now I have my sweet GM back in the house. He's so much more enjoyable to be around. Now, I just have to keep at it!!

On another note... a KNOX COUNTY, TENNESSEE SCHOOLS note! Remember my outrage about not being allowed to be there to view the "sex video" (GM calls it the "puberty movie")? Well, guess what!? There was a parent there that day!! But I was told NO! Wha!??

Then on Tuesday I was told that I couldn't go on the upcoming field trip with GM. (They are going to Thompson Boling arena for the 5th grade DARE graduation). His teacher told me that I could drive myself if I wanted to go, but that I couldn't sit with my child. Wha!???

My friend in bible study told me - "I've been pegged!" They've found me out. I'm a parent who cares about her kids!

Going Crazy as a Mother

2008-04-28T16:44:00.003-04:00

Okay. So I wrote that title and now I realize what it sounds like! Sorry! I really don't mean it like in the way a really bad word would come next. I just mean that as a mother, I'm going crazy!!

I have this child...let's see... Can you guess which one?

He is driving me crazy. Or more likely, I'm letting him drive me crazy! I'm trying really hard to stay on top of his discipline. It seems like he is totally out of control - most of the time. He can be so mean and terribly disrespectful. He lacks any regret of his actions. It is really disturbing. It is so exhausting!

Twice this weekend he got to go over to a friends for awhile to play. I can't tell you how calm and peaceful our home was during that time. Even CandyMan commented about it. He usually can't stand to see his brother go anywhere. He wants to be with him at all times. That wasn't the case this weekend. CM was relieved to have a break and said so!

But with each return of GM, everything was out of whack! He was yelling, screaming, name calling, picking, hitting, threatening, crying, tantrum throwing, lying out of control! I hate to admit this, but I'm NOT exaggerating! It was really terrible. He is so emotional (mostly angry). He's just mad about not getting his way. It doesn't matter how big or how small the issue is - he can't handle being told no. I'm almost scared of him.

We've been seeing the pediatrician in the last month about this behavior and have another appointment on Thursday. It seems like I ask for prayer for him all of the time. Please pray for me too! I need wisdom and strength to continue dealing with him.

Busy Day!

2008-04-22T08:03:00.004-04:00

Today is a big busy day for us! It is all good stuff, it's just ALL on one day!!

I have my Bible Study this morning. I'm really hoping to get to go to lunch with Lisa afterwards! She's been sick and I miss her so much!

I'm picking the kids up early from school and taking them to their new school for testing. I'm not sure what to expect with this - written, oral, both?? I'm sure they will do fine. I'm more nervous about it than they are - I'm sure!

After that, we have to go and get Missy Prissy signed up for summer school. Her teacher recommended this in January and even though she is doing tremendously better, I still think it would be good for her. Today is the only day to get signed up for that.

Then GameMaster has Aikijuitsu (Martial Arts). He's loving it so much. He knows he's got to be close to getting his first colored belt (yellow). He's awaiting that with much anticipation!!

At some point in all of that, I'm hoping for enough time to do the drive-through dinner thing for them.

From now until school is out the calendar is so busy! We have all of the normal things, plus more. Besides that, it is one of my job's busiest time of the year. Which is good. I have plenty of work to do. I'm hoping to "bank" some extra to get through the summer, since the kids will be home all summer with me!

Okay, for my prayer request... You guessed it! Please pray for GameMaster. He's come home early from school twice in the last week. Both times he says he's gotten sick. Then he's fine when he gets home. I'm starting to wonder if he is making himself get sick so he can come home?!?

After today, there are 21-1/2 days left of school. Then we are out of there!!

One more reason that I hate public school

2008-04-17T11:16:00.007-04:00

I am so glad my children will not be attending public school next year. I just can't get them out of there fast enough! Today's example:
-

Today is the big day for GameMaster, my fifth grader. You know, the day when they seperate the boys from the girls and show them a video that teaches about their changing bodies. You know, the birds and the bees.

Well, being a concerned parent, I want to know what is in this video. Excuse me if I've made too big of a deal about it! I want to know what my child is being taught!!

I'm SURE that they won't mention that GOD had anything to do with it!

So, anyway...a permission slip was sent home for me to sign to allow him to participate in seeing this video. (I guess the children who aren't given permission will have to stay in the classroom and miss it.) I talked to GM about it. He was kind of excited about the video and looking forward to it (which I thought was kind of cute). So I signed the slip and sent it back to school. Here is where I "messed up"...

I e-mailed his teacher asking if I could just be there during the showing of the video. I wasn't planning on making a big production of it or telling my own testimony or anything!! I just wanted to sneak in the back of the room and watch it with them. GM was not only okay with this, he wants me to be there!! (Of course we've already talked about all this stuff and it won't be anything "new" to his ears. I'm just curious as to what they are teaching.)

I received an e-mail back the next day from his teacher explaining to me that she had consulted with the principal about this (?!?!?). Basically, the answer was NO - I could not watch it with the students!

Okay. What is the deal? I'm ever increasingly aware of the principal's attitude toward me. It is very clear that I am a "problem parent"!! I think this is hilarious! I care about what junk is being put into my children's brains. I don't trust the school to teach them what I want them to be taught!! I'm NOT sorry that I don't want them to be just another number in public school. I'm NOT sorry that I want the very best for them. I'm NOT sorry that I don't want my 5th grader told that it's okay to have sex, as long as he wears a condom! (I'm not saying that this is what he will be told today, but I don't know - since I'm not allowed to be there!!!)

But this I can rejoice in: GameMaster wants me to be there. He feels comfortable talking to me about this. He will come home and share with me what he heard (even what all the boys in class had to say about it all). Why? Because, as he said this morning: "I'm just more comfortable with you, Mom."

Thank you, God!

Poor Lulu!

2008-04-16T09:27:00.003-04:00

My friend Lisa just recently introduced me to a local tea room called LuLu's Tea Room. I have only gotten to go there once for lunch, but have looked forward to returning! It is such a sweet place with really yummy food that leaves you feeling satisfied.

Unfortunately I heard on the news last night that LuLu's had a fire yesterday! One report says that 75% of the inside of the building is damaged. I'm so sorry to hear this. It is not an easy thing to go into business for yourself and work so hard everyday as I know this woman has done. Deana Hurd opened the tea room just 2 years ago. I hope to see her re-open LuLu's soon!

Can We Talk?

2008-04-15T09:04:00.003-04:00

My Bible Study group has reconvened! We began a new study last week. It is, "Can We Talk?" by Priscilla Shirer. I have completed the first week and look forward to going to our group time this morning.

The study has been difficult for me this week. I don't know what is wrong with me. The last day of the study was on Hebrews 13:15-16. It talks about giving a sacrifice of praise. It isn't that I am going through some difficult struggle right now. I just feel blah. I don't know why. So, I am going to praise - even if I don't feel like it!!

My friend Lisa is sick. She has a bad cold and has been sick for almost a week now! She isn't going to bible study today. I will miss her so much! Especially our lunch and afternoon talking!! I think we both need this so bad. There is nothing like a good godly friend to talk things through with, is there? Get better soon, my friend...

Cinderella

2008-04-14T15:39:00.005-04:00

Have you heard the new song by Steven Curtis Chapman? It is called "Cinderella". Go here to hear it: http://www.stevencurtischapman.com/cinderella.htm. I wish I knew how to put it on this page, but oh well!

This song makes me sad for my Princess. Lately, I've been mourning the lack of man in my children's life. I don't want one right now. I'm not ready. But they are. They need a godly man to love them and show them the way.

A week ago at church I saw two boys come up to the altar to pray during church. A few moments later I saw their dad come and pray over them. I bawled.

Later this week they are having the sex ed talk at school in GameMaster's grade. I've been the one to talk to him about all of these changes that are coming for him. It seems like it'd be good for him to have a man to talk to about it. I'm glad he can talk to me about it though.

Missy Prissy dances with me. It's fun and we both love it. Imagine how she'll feel someday when a boy will dance with her. I wish she had a godly man to dance with now...

I know that God is the father of the fatherless. And I do see ways that He takes care of my children as a father would. I guess I just want more for them - you know?

Blah.

2008-04-14T13:38:00.002-04:00

Today is a blah day. I feel blah. It is blah outside (45 degrees I might add!).

Just blah. That is all I have to say.

The Smell of Sweet Victory!

2008-04-10T15:47:00.003-04:00

PEACE AT MY HOUSE!!

He did it! He came straight home from school and mowed the grass! No complaining! No crying! No nasty talk! No rebellion! I didn't even have to tell him to! And he feels good about it! (so do I!)

Moving Forward...

2008-04-10T12:17:00.002-04:00

I met with Missy Prissy's teacher this morning to discuss her progress and recommendation for next year. Her teacher was so excited to talk to me! Missy has just taken off in the couple months! She's writing full sentences - really well. And most importantly she is reading!! Her teacher recommends sending her on to first grade!

I also talked with her about Missy's "La-La Land" episodes. She feels certain that she is just day dreaming with her wide imagination (which is what all "professionals" have told me when I talk to them about this). So, I'm going with it!

I'm going to see about getting her into FBA with the boys for next year!!

Now we'll see how GameMaster does after school today with the mowing...

How many licks?

2008-04-09T17:20:00.005-04:00

Remember those commercials when we were kids about the Tootsie Roll pops? "How many licks until you get to the center of a Tootsie Roll pop? 1.... 2.... CRUNCH!" I always loved that commercial, but didn't care for the tootsie roll! I was the opposite - I'd eat the sucker off and throw away the tootsie roll inside. Now, a blow pop...that is another story!!

Why I am thinking of that commercial right now? I have no idea!! I have just finished DAY FOUR with GameMaster mowing the grass. This is a new chore for him this year. Unfortunately, his mother suffered through it last year and he's taken my attitude towards it. (It is very hard to present a task positively to your child - "This will be fun!!" - after complaining about doing it yourself. Lesson to learn...)

So I gave him a choice, he can mow the whole yard all in one day and have the rest of the week off. Or he can come home and mow a small section of the yard almost every day. He chose the later (I can't say that I blame him).

So today was DAY FOUR. I am going to say this as sweetly as I can. He is driving me crazy! He's making it miserable on himself! ALL FOUR DAYS he has cried and carried on. He's been rude, disrespectful and rebelliously disobedient. Then after several disciplines he goes and mows his small section for the day.

THEN he comes in with a terrific attitude!! He feels so great about himself. He is genuinely proud of his accomplishment! One day, he even decided to be so kind and mow the front yard of my neighbor (a fellow single mom with a broken lawn mower)! (Mind you, he went through the whole tantrum throwing that day before mowing too!)

How many licks will it take for this child to just buck up and get it done? Can't he see that he is wasting his precious evening play time with his shenanigans? But, alas. I must go. Missy Prissy is disobediently playing with the water hose for the blasted fifth time in two days.....

I'm Busted!

2008-04-04T13:27:00.006-04:00

I've hurt myself again! This time it's my own fault! Learn from my mistake - never wear flip flops in the rain!

There I was bebopping into the bank with GameMaster, we were giggling and having a good ole time walking through puddles to get there. I hit a slick spot and went smack to the ground. I don't remember much about it, except my face meeting the pavement and not being able to breathe for a few seconds. I remember looking up and seeing the contents of my purse splattered all over the road and thinking that I was blocking traffic. (The thoughts we have in these moments amaze me!)

After I could breathe again, I somehow got up and limped to the sidewalk. GameMaster helped me find somewhere to sit down and catch my breathe. He was totally freaked out - poor guy! My left knee was quickly swelling and turning all kinds of nasty shades of blue, black, purple and pink. I was much more concerned at this point about my right ankle, which yelled at me every time I tried to move it at all.

So today, I am limping with a sprained ankle and a busted knee. I'm bruised all over and quite sore. On a better note, GameMaster was affected deeply by the fall and has barely left my side with wanting to help me. He's been a total sweetheart!

So, I'm all busted up and black and blue. I'll be okay. But why is it when you type in "umbrella" to do a search for photos, it pulls up all these beach umbrellas? Boy, I'd sure love to be using one of those umbrellas today instead!!

I am chosen?

2008-04-02T08:21:00.004-04:00

I've been reading the book of Isaiah in my quiet times. So many verses talk about being chosen by God (especially in chapters 41-45). It is confusing to me. I know that we have our own will and can go our own way. But it also says, "many are invited, but few are chosen" (Matt 22:14).

Than of course there is this verse, "In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory." (Eph 1:11-12)

So how much of this life is our choice and how much is His choice? And is there a cut and dry answer to this question? Do we even know? What are your thoughts?

Missy Prissy's Family Tree!?

2008-04-01T14:43:00.005-04:00

You know what? We haven't called her Princess since almost the beginning of this blog, so I'm officially changing her name! We call her "Missy Prissy". And it fits. Well!!

So, here is the deal. I've heard other adoptive parents complain about "family" assignments in school. These assignments are just not set up for families nowadays! What about the adopted child? What about the child with divorced parents? What if those parents have remarried? What if one of their parents have died? What about the child who is being raised by their grandparents (it's happening a lot now!)? This just aggrevates me.

So what am I doing about it? Stalling! That is what I'm doing. The "family tree" assignment is due tomorrow and looks like this:

Now, this could be a really sweet assignment for some kids. One you'd want to frame and hang in their room. Maybe Missy Prissy will want to do just that...who knows!

But her family tree is much more complicated than this. I feel like by putting my picture and MIA Papa's picture on there is leaving out so much. I don't think that she will feel that way - at least not yet. But maybe she will someday. And how would her birthparent's feel? Wouldn't they want to be apart of her family tree too?

I Hear God's Voice (read on before you think I've lost it...)

2008-03-31T08:16:00.007-04:00

I think one of the hardest things I've tried to discern in my Christian walk has been trying to determine God's will for my life. You know, not just His BIG purpose for my whole life, but the smaller every day kind of things. Does He want me to do THIS or THAT? If you are a Christian, I'm sure you know what I mean.

Our pastor is doing a sermon series titled "Questions and Answers". He has asked the congregation to e-mail him questions we've had and he's going to search the Bible and give us the answers over the next few weeks. Yesterday was "Part I" of the series.

He tackled a couple of different questions, but my favorite was the last one, "If you are going in a direction that you think God wants you to go and encounter an obstacle, how do you know if God wants you to overcome the obstacle or He is using the obstacle to change your direction?"

Now as a side note, I must say at this point that I do "hear God speak to me". But what I mean by this isn't that I can audibly hear His voice. I wish. It isn't that easy. What I mean is that He speaks to me through His Word (the Bible), through others, through thoughts... But trying to figure out when it is HIM and when it is ME is sometimes a challenge!

He then preached on "Five Keys to Hearing from God: How to Identify the Voice of God". Here are his 5 points:

1. God's voice is consistent with His Word (the Bible). (Psalm 119:105) He will never lead me to do something that isn't in line with His written word. So what does this tell me? I must know His Word to discern His voice.

2. God's voice will conflict with human wisdom. (Matthew 5:38-48) His will doesn't always make sense. Sometimes he wants me to do something, in faith that He will provide along the way.

3. God's voice will clash with your fleshly nature. (Galatians 5:19-24) What He wants isn't always what I WANT. The way He wants me to be isn't the way I'll naturally be.

4. God's voice will challenge your faith. (Hebrews 11:6) He is constantly trying to grow me. His desires won't always be easy for me.

5. God's voice often demands courage. (Joshua 1) That is why it is called faith. I must trust in Him to do it. This definitely takes courage!

Are you faced with a decision?

I suggest you seek after Him before making your decision.

Then "listen" for His answer.

Blessings Times Two (maybe even Three)!!!

2008-03-28T15:22:00.003-04:00

Oh my goodness! I just don't know what to say, except... Praise God! I just can't believe it! (My friend Lisa is smiling as she reads this thinking, "I knew it! I just knew it!)

I spoke to the Principal of First Baptist Academy today (the wonderful school that GameMaster will be going to next year). I had misunderstood what the Board of Directors at the school had offered to me!! The dollar amount that she had quoted me was for ALL THREE of my children to attend their school (not JUST GameMaster)!!! (Are you believing this?!?) They have never done this before, but after reading my letter to the board, and praying about my children, they want all three of them to attend their school - all for a low tuition of just one of them! I'm so freaked out!!

Now, the reason why it may be for only two of them. I've been meeting this year with Princess' teacher and we believe that she could have some special needs. She has been behind all year in kindergarten (she was last year in pre-school as well). It could be that she needs some special help, or it could be she needs to be held back a year. We just aren't sure yet. I'm to meet with her next week to see where she is at now. FBA doesn't accept any special needs children. This is why she may not be able to attend there.

But for now - I've got GameMaster and CandyMan signed up for testing later this month and they will be attending a private Christian school next year!! (Who would've thunk it!??)

(Can you tell I'm excited??) Thank you, God!!

CandyMan update

2008-03-26T15:11:00.004-04:00

The problem teeth have been extracted! It was kind of a funny experience actually. CandyMan is so tough, most of the time. The dentist gave him nitrous oxide - otherwise known as laughing gas. Well, today I saw why it was called "laughing" gas!! The child giggled and giggled!! It was hilarious! He just kept smiling and laughing! I've never had so much fun at the dentist before!!

CandyMan was oblivious to the numbing injections and the yanking of the molars. He was much more interested in the fact that he couldn't feel his chin and how darn funny that was!!

I'm sitting here at my computer laughing and typing!! It really was very funny!

New Again

2008-03-26T09:09:00.002-04:00

Oh! Have you seen this video?? It is so good! Click on this to see it...

New Again

Some pictures are quite graphic...you may want to make sure that "little eyes" are not watching...

God moments...

2008-03-26T08:36:00.004-04:00

There are so many good God moments happening in my life right now. When they occur, I look forward to blogging about them. But then life happens and all I can think to blog is...

CandyMan is home from school today. He had a low grade fever yesterday evening - with a headache. I thought he seemed fine though. This morning his fever is fine, but he says he still feels bad. And I smell his breath?? So I look at his throat...it appears fine. Then I look at his teeth. Aha!! His teeth are abscessed again! It's infection! What is causing this!??

We are going to the dentist this afternoon for an emergency visit. The poor guy, I can't believe his teeth/gums are hurting terribly!!

So, I recognize the enemy distracting me from the God moments, but I will not be had! As soon as I remember them, I'll tell you all about it...

Happy Happy Easter!

2008-03-23T09:12:00.002-04:00

Happy Easter! Jesus is alive!!

Today, we celebrate and give thanks that Jesus was resurrected! He is alive and preparing a place for us. He is not dead. He is not on the cross. He has victory over sin! And we can too - by accepting His gift of salvation. I am thankful. And so I rejoice, this Easter Sunday, that

He is alive!

Do you care?

2008-03-20T14:28:00.000-04:00

79 words

Speed test

It's Spring Cleaning Day!

2008-03-20T10:42:00.007-04:00

Well, I'm trying to make today "Spring Cleaning Day". I honestly hate cleaning. I wish so badly that we could get it clean and keep it clean. Instead of having to play recovery once things are out of control!

At this point, I only have two of my children here. So things are going pretty good. We've gotten their rooms, the hallway, the living room and the stairs done. I still have the kitchen and office to do. GameMaster's room assignment is the family room. He's not going to be happy about that when he gets home from his friend's house...

I am trying to get gung-ho and all positive to talk to him when he gets home. I've got my disciplinary plan ready to talk about with him. Then it will be time for him to jump into his chores. Why is this so hard for me? Why do I feel guilty about expecting this child to help clean house? He makes MOST of the messes! He is exasperating! Seriously, he exhausts me. I love him so much. But I feel the oppression when he is around. He must be so miserable for those around him to sense this so much! Please pray for him...to be set free!

I'm all alone today...

2008-03-19T10:56:00.002-04:00

This feels so weird. I'm in my house all by myself, well just me and Duncan that is. It is spring break. If my children are not in school, they are with me. ALWAYS! Occasionally one of them will be gone to a friend's house, or two of them will go to my parents house. But all three?

It is so quiet...

Their dad had asked if they could spend the night with him last night and the day today. After praying about it, I told him they could spend today with him, but not the night. Not yet.

But then, GameMaster got a better offer. His friend called to see if he could come over at 10am today to spend the day and the night. I don't find that as a coincidence. Why 10am - the exact time that their dad was coming to get them? Well, that made a really good excuse for GameMaster, who pretended like it was a really hard decision to not hurt his dad's feelings, but decided to go to the friend's house.

He's just not ready. He's still very hurt and angry. I think he's scared too. I know he is uncomfortable around him. I feel so sorry for him having to go through this.

But then there is his attitude. What am I going to do? Somebody needs to beat his butt, you know? If you see a 10 year old boy treating him mom and siblings this way, what do you think? "Somebody needs to beat his butt!" Right? Well, think again. I'm in a very difficult place where I need to be extremely consistent in disciplining him, without confusing him or abusing him further. At this point I need to say that I've never and would never abuse my child. But once you've been abused, it doesn't take much to be perceived as abuse. If I lose it and yell at him, he goes running in fear like I'm about to hit him or something! He's so overly sensitive.

And then I think, how much of that is he using as a way out of getting in trouble? To manipulate me? I just don't know! That is why it is all such a delicate balance.

Today, while he is away, I am going to be praying for God to show me a discipline plan for him. He is getting out of control and he knows it. He needs help getting himself back into control. And I need help figuring out how to do that!

One thing that I do know that works is laying it out clearly for him. You know... if you do THIS, then your consequence is THIS. That way he knows what to expect and he knows that his consequences are from his own choices. My job is to define the problem behaviors and the consequences. Then DO IT!! Every Time!

Fun Day in the Smoky Mountains!

2008-03-17T17:36:00.004-04:00

Poor CandyMan has spent the first part of his spring break on the couch with the flu. I'm getting pretty bored myself!! I thought maybe he could handle a little car ride up to the mountains. All of the kids were up early excited! So we packed a picnic, loaded up the car and even took Grandpa with us!

We drove through Townsend, TN and around "The Loop" at Cades Cove. It was a beautiful, if a little chilly, morning in the East Tennessee Smoky Mountains! The temperature stayed in the upper 50's. CandyMan wore down fast and wasn't up for much.

GameMaster and Princess enjoyed getting out and touring an old homestead. Here is a picture of them in front of the barn. Cool, huh?

GameMaster became quite angry with me yesterday when I told him that I thought we'd go up to the mountains today. He has enjoyed being home-bound for days with nothing to do but video games! He didn't want to leave his precious Wii!! (Which is one of the biggest reasons I felt like I needed to get us out of here!!) Once we were up there, he admitted it wasn't so bad...

Princess loved every minute of it. She even got to drive for a little bit (in my lap). She had a wonderful day and was NOT ready to go home! But after our drive, we stopped in the picnic area for lunch. CandyMan was so worn out, he barely ate anything! He was ready to come home. So, we ended the day a little short and headed home.

As you can see, he is getting tired of his running nose!!

All in all it was an enjoyable day. I'm glad we got out of the house, if even for a little bit! God's creation is amazing!

I will not be discouraged!

2008-03-14T09:40:00.002-04:00

Let's see...just yesterday I was talking about what a conqueror in Christ that I was! So what's next!? You got it! CandyMan has the flu. We've already been to the pediatrician this morning. Spring Break starts today and we are starting it with the flu!

I will not let the enemy get me down! I will not be discouraged! I will not miss a step on my journey this time!!

I have been restored!

2008-03-13T09:47:00.002-04:00

I have been trying all week to get time and determine how to tell you about what happened earlier this week. Then all of a sudden this morning I just felt like I had to tell my "Daughters of the King" small group leader about it. I wrote it all out and sent it to her in an e -mail. Now I'm going to share it with you!

As you know, I’ve been doing the Beth Moore Bible Study with the Tuesday morning group. I did the last day’s homework on Monday night and it was an INCREDIBLE experience! God used it to reveal a stronghold in my life (which we have been hearing about at church and at our DOK small group!). One that I keep coming back to – over and over. And I really had never recognized it as a stronghold!

As briefly as possible – we were studying Psalm 132:1-10. But to understand the passage, she took us back through the Old Testament to read about what led up to this Psalm. Basically, it was a story of David’s heart and passion for God and his wanting to find the Ark of the Covenant and bring it to a permanent place in Jerusalem. They looked, but didn’t find it where they thought it would be. Then when they found it they put it on a cart attached to oxen to haul it. At one point on the journey it started to slide off and a man close by (Uzziah) put his hand on it to steady it and he died! This scared and angered David so much that he abandoned the trip and left the ark there. Eventually, he heard of the blessings that God was pouring out on the household where the ark had been left, and he got back on track and after studying the proper way of transporting the ark, continued the journey to bring the ark home.

This stood out to me as myself!! I was a married woman – seeking after the heart of God. I was praying and praying and doing everything that I thought God wanted of me. Despite my miserable marriage, I had joy in the Lord and faith in Him for my future. Then all of a sudden, He did something that I didn’t expect of Him. He ended my marriage instead of healing it! I was scared and angry. I tried to abandon my journey as a Christian because of it. I tried to take my life into my own hands. I was too afraid to trust Him!

I’ve done this before. Any time that God “behaves” in a way that is inconsistent with whom I think He is or should be, I freak out and “abandon the journey”. Of course, the good news is He doesn’t abandon me and I always come back to Him.

Anyway, Monday night I spent an amazing time in prayer and quietness before Him. I feel like He has restored me to the faith that I’ve known before. I am so grateful and in love with Him!

I just had to share that with you!!

Today was a good day!

2008-03-12T18:26:00.006-04:00

Today was such a beautiful day here in East Tennessee! It was near 70 degrees this afternoon, sunny, and springy! I just love this weather! I look forward to having a little bit warmer mornings to have my quiet times on the deck!

Today was just one of those days when everything fell into place and I got a lot accomplished and I feel good about it. You know those kinds of days? I got a good night's sleep for starters. I got more transcription done than I've ever gotten done in one morning! I had a good healthy salad for lunch. I got my Bible study done today. And I even got several things posted on my eBay store this afternoon before the kids came home from school.

Then I cooked dinner. And I do not say this lightly. My children debated at dinner about how long it had been since I had cooked a nice meal and sat down to eat with them. I had no idea that it was such a big deal for them! Of course, we used to have a family sit down dinner almost every night before the "changes" happened. Now, I just cook for them and spend the time running back and forth from the stove giving seconds, getting more drinks, etc... Tonight I cooked pork chops, mashed potatoes, green beans and crescent rolls. I put it all on the table and even sat and ate with them. They acted like it was Thanksgiving dinner or something! It was really funny! The best part about it was that I was appreciated!

I got the dishes done, two of the kids have had their baths, and now we all have a little free time before gathering for our Bible Time. We've been reading the book of John. I'm trying to time it just right for Easter. We are really ahead of schedule, so it should work out. I've been amazed lately at how many times we've heard reference to John...whatever - on the radio, at church, different places! Every time, the kids are like, "Hey Mom! We just read that the other day in John 12" (or whatever!). Their minds are absorbing it. I love it!

Two more days until Spring Break! They will be home with me for 10 days straight! I really hope for some warm days to do some fun things outdoors!!